welcoming alice elfie: a birth story (part 1)
Posted on 13. May, 2010 by Princess Lasertron in baby
Right now I am sitting down at my desktop computer. I used to sit here for 6-8 hours a day editing photos, writing, answering e-mails, uploading materials for customers, but for the last several days I have just been on the couch with my girl and my husband. Alice loves to sleep and nurse in a wrap, so that’s what we are doing as I finally sit down to process the events of the last week.
Last week. Seven days ago I went into labor. And she is now four days old.
On Thursday, I started having regular contractions. I had been having them every day so I ignored them and kept working. I sewed, worked on some blog posts, and scheduled meetings for the weekend with my graphic designer and planned to go visit CAMP to take photos of the buildout progress. As I sat here at the computer, the contractions started to distract me and I began to focus on relaxing through them.
My mom logged on that night and messaged me that she woke up because she suddenly had a feeling that I had gone into labor. My contractions didn’t feel jarringly painful enough to me, so I had still been ignoring them as false labor. When I started timing them at the encouragement of my mother, they were six minutes apart.
When Dave noticed me slowing down and asked how long the contractions were, he did not agree that it was false labor. He did not agree so much that he frantically ran through the house throwing food and clothes into a bag and ran outside through the rain with unwieldy car seat parts, struggling to install them quickly then just tossing them in the backseat to figure out later. I was just waddling around the house thinking “all of this fuss over false labor.”
Dave and I worked hard to bring Alice into the world in what we thought was the best possible way. After a lot of research and reading about anesthesia, pain management techniques, and post-partum care and recovery, we decided to use the Bradley Method to prepare for Alice’s birthday.
The Bradley Method is a natural childbirth philosophy that emphasizes pain management through relaxation and relies on a husband or coach to support the mother through labor. We took a 12-week class with a wonderful certified instructor named Kristen Treat and learned so much from her and the other couples. It was so much more than Lamaze or any other birth class I had looked into and we were totally prepared for a natural Bradley birth yet very informed about any medical interventions that could possibly take place.
Dave and I wanted to stay at home for as long as possible during labor, but because our hospital was about 35 minutes away (in my hometown, the same place where I was born), we also planned to leave early to ride out most of the labor at my parents house. So on Thursday night when my contractions were six minutes apart, we packed up the Little Red Car and hit 80,000,000 potholes on the way to my mom and dad’s. (I know, because I felt every one.)
All through Friday, Dave rested and I focused. After about 12 hours, the contractions decreased to about 12 minutes apart. I went for a long walk outside trying to make them pick up again. I chopped some vegetables and helped Dave make dinner. I drank pineapple juice. We were really doing everything right–not rushing it and focusing on relaxing the pain away. The hard labor had returned.
Suddenly Friday evening, I felt several huge gushes of fluid. I thought “This is it!! This is the day!” Unfortunately my water hadn’t broken. It was blood. It just kept streaming. I knew that during labor I should expect some blood–”pink-tinged mucus” is the delicate language I had read over and over. But this was abnormal and I couldn’t feel Alice moving. There was so much blood.
Dave rushed through red lights to get to the small hospital, and within 15 minutes my room was full of nurses, technicians, an anesthesiologist, and my doctor. He explained to me that we would likely have to do an emergency cesarean and I burst into tears. I knew there was little hope left for the natural birth I had been dreaming of and I felt like a failure. I felt like my body had failed me. I wondered what I had done wrong to ruin my chances for what I thought was my best birth. Would everyone think I gave up? I was filled with regret and I was essentially mourning the loss of the empowering birth experience I had planned for. This early time at the hospital on Friday night was so traumatic. I had never cried harder or louder–I felt a true personal loss.
This is where I still feel very sensitive. I hate it when people say things like, “At least you have a healthy baby.” Or, “That’s why you shouldn’t make plans for birth–it never goes according to plan.” It’s very hurtful. I don’t think it’s fair to imply that I am not grateful for my child or that I am selfish for wanting birth to be more than a “get the baby out” exercise. It is okay that I wanted to be treated as more than a baby-bearing vessel. I am not out to prove something and I’m not trying to be a martyr or get a medal. I just wanted a positive, empowering birth experience and I felt fully educated and aware of my options.
I was still having hard contractions and still gushing blood as the ultrasound technician carefully checked my placenta for any rupturing and tried to find the source of the bleeding. Alice’s heart was beating at a healthy pace and the tech found no ablation or rupturing.
I love my doctor–he has been my physician since I was young and throughout my pregnancy he fully supported all of my wishes. He never advised me to get an epidural, or scoffed at my plans to avoid induction. I think that in the “natural birth” community culture, there is some hostility toward the mainstream medical system. I understand why many women feel that way, but I love my doctor and my hospital. I feel heard, understood, and respected by everyone there.
My doctor understood my pain. He was rooting for me. When the reason for my bleeding wasn’t found, he agreed that we should just watch for a while rather than do a cesarean.
Now my girl is fussing. I will finish this tomorrow.
xo
meg
33 Responses to “welcoming alice elfie: a birth story (part 1)”
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alice elfie’s birth story (part 2) ›› Princess Lasertron
15. May, 2010
2:10 am
[...] This is continued from the first part of Alice’s birth story published here. [...]
Pamela
15. May, 2010
1:24 am
I’m so impressed with you, Dave, and those supporting you through the labor! It makes a difference, just being supported, even if things take a turn. I love the Bradley method and I use it still for different kinds of pain.
Jess
15. May, 2010
12:18 am
I completely understand the feeling of your body “failing” you… With my 1st child I went through the Bradley classes as well, birth plan, etc…. I also received comments , “at least you have a healthy baby”, which I loathed…. I understand the sensitivity.
But if you are interested, heres a link to my story
http://cuckookiddos.blogspot.com/2008/09/birth-story-zoe-jaimes-youngsma.html
If it bring you any comfort in that feeling of “failure”. I just want to make sure you know you are not alone in that thought. And it’s okay to feel robbed of an experience of a lifetime.
Beautiful babe, congrats.
Take care,
Jess @ thedoeorthedeer.blogspot.com
Princess Lasertron
15. May, 2010
11:31 am
thank you for sharing that jess!
Jenny Mick!
14. May, 2010
10:06 pm
Thank you for sharing your story! I’m not sure I’ve known someone that has been so passionate about their birthing experience – I think it’s really great! You are such a trooper and a very, very strong lady for sure
I’m excited to read the rest of your story!
I love the photos you posted – you look so adorable and excited for your adventure outside the house!
It was so nice to meet little miss Alice – she’s pretty precious!
bell
14. May, 2010
7:43 pm
OMG! I can’t wait to read part 2!
I think people with the “At least you have a healthy baby” are just trying to be polite and, maybe, they think reminding you that is going to make you feel better. But the thing is, there is nothing selfish about having a plan of what you want and what you think is the best for you and the baby.
Sometimes things don’t go they way we planed to because of circumstances, but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. I think it’s awesome you did all that research and knew exactly what you wanted. I don’t have babies yet and your journey has been very inspiring for me.
Love the pics. You look gorgeous even in awful labor pain. And I looove that Dave is right there with you, supporting you. You have an awesome family. ♥
Alisha Mancinas
14. May, 2010
7:40 pm
I wish I knew you in “real life”
You’re an amazing woman!
Renae Stout
14. May, 2010
3:56 pm
You are no failure. You were an amazing mother even before Alice was born. How many moms do as much research as you did, look forward to the experience, and are as prepared as you were? I was really inspired by your journey, and you gave me confidence in my abilties to become a mother. Your posts have helped a lot, so thank you.
Congrats to Dave, too. From the pictures, he looks so happy to become a dad and was very supportive. You have a wonderful husband who dearly loves you.
I can’t wait to get to know Alice.
Princess Lasertron
14. May, 2010
4:34 pm
thanks renae
(I’m so glad that you’re reading! I hope we can reconnect sometime!!)
Susan in Colorado
14. May, 2010
3:42 pm
Lovin your story so far.. You are such a great writer!! I look up to women like you who are so ‘good’ at this stuff. I am a wimp and have had 3 babies and I just knew it was not for me to go “natural”,
I wanted the epidural, I needed the epidural I can’t handle the truth.. opps sorry starting to quote a movie..heeehee..
Seriously, I probably would have passed out. Every woman is different and although I wouldn’t change a thing for me.. I think it is wonderful how you and your husband made those decisions.. hang in there mamma…these first couple of weeks are crazy!! Get your sleep
Susan
Kelly
14. May, 2010
3:21 pm
Hey Megan-
I had a c-section at 36 weeks, and it sucked. I had to get a blood transfusion and I almost died.I didn’t get to hold Penelope until she was 4 hours old. I wanted to do all the things I had read about, all the things that I knew were best for us, but I didn’t get to. I was elated to have a new baby and to be alive, but I grieved for the death of my ideal birth.
My father died recently, and I think, “At least you have a healthy baby” is a lot like, “At least he’s in a better place.” It’s what people say when they have no experience with your pain, to make themselves feel like they’re being useful. And it makes you feel like a selfish jerk for considering your own feelings.
I haven’t read Part 2 of this story, so I don’t know how your birth actually went. However it went, I think it’s fine to mourn the birth you planned while celebrating the results of the birth that was.
THE END OF LONGEST EVAR COMMENT.
Bree
14. May, 2010
2:25 pm
Oh man! I’m sure you’ve heard this tons but despite it all? You look beautiful despite being in immense pain. Sorry. Is that weird?
Princess Lasertron
14. May, 2010
4:36 pm
that’s not weird. thanks bree
Jana McKinley
14. May, 2010
1:53 pm
Congratulations! She is beautiful! After reading your story, I can’t help but think of all the emotions you must have felt in those hours–joy, fear, disappointment, and wonder. Thank goodness you had a great support system there for you and the wee one. Again, Congratulations
meg duerksen
14. May, 2010
1:42 pm
you are amazing.
i would have FREAKED out at the blood.
and paniced.
good job for waiting it out….i would have caved immediately.
looks like dave did a great job too.
tanya
14. May, 2010
12:43 pm
I’m so proud of you for sticking to your plan and choosing people to be around you that would help you bring your wishes to life.
I regret almost nothing in my life except that I was not able to have the birth experience I wanted. I too wanted a natural childbirth and while I was open to an epidural if the pain was too much, I wanted to soldier through it and do things the way I wanted them. It breaks my heart when I hear others stories about how they got to do it as they planned and were able to give birth without a c-section.
It also breaks my heart when I hear of women who had to have a c-section because I know the fear and feelings of loss they are going/have went through.
Again, I’m so proud of you for knowing what you wanted. You’re going to be a fabulous mother, Megan!
Elizabeth
14. May, 2010
12:14 pm
I just want to thank you for sharing in such a personal, honest way. I really feel for you and, although I am not a mother yet, I was there for my sister when she experienced something similar. You are awesome and it is okay – - quite justified actually – - to feel pain and loss at the way your birthing experience went. I can’t wait to read the rest of your story and to see more pictures of your beauty.
Calynn
14. May, 2010
11:26 am
Im not a mother so i havent ever gone through any of that but your story is very touching and i can totally see myself being in that predicament and reacting the same way. “It is okay that I wanted to be treated as more than a baby-bearing vessel” Indeed!
I admire that you share it with us!
Snuggle that baby!
Kim
14. May, 2010
10:39 am
beautifully expressed…can’t wait to read the rest!
now…gho smooch on that yummy little cupcake for me, too! <3
Meg
14. May, 2010
9:53 am
It’s perfectly okay to really, really want something and be bummed that it doesn’t work out the way you hoped. Of course you love your baby! Of course you’re happy that she (and you!) are healthy and doing well. You’re human, Meg. Even mothers (joined the club, didn’t you?!) are regular humans. How else would we be able to understand the hurts and disappointments of our little ones? Telling your birth story is so powerful. I am looking forward to the next installment!
kim*
14. May, 2010
9:52 am
wooo im tired from reading of this
glad baby and you are ok
AmyJane
14. May, 2010
9:27 am
The anitcipation is killing me! I am so thankful that Alice is here…and healthy! But i am dying to hear the rest of your story!
Mary C.
14. May, 2010
8:32 am
Beautiful Megan! I love how you talk about how you are informed and that some comments can hurt. Can’t wait to read the rest!
Mary
Jamie
14. May, 2010
8:05 am
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience. I follow you on Twitter and kept checking for updates all weekend, you were definitely on my mind.
I am looking forward to reading part two to see how things progressed. I would have mourned the possible loss of my dream natural child birth too -it was something I had my heart set on. I was lucky enough to experience it twice with no complications.
Blessings to you and your little family.
The Professor
14. May, 2010
7:57 am
Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story. I am eager to read the next installment. My wife is due in early Sept and so we are thinking a lot more about labor.
So happy for all three of you!!
Amy Vance
14. May, 2010
7:38 am
Sounds like one heck of a whirlwind. Hope you got the birth you were planning for. You are a trooper for going all that time, WOW! is all I can say. Sounds like the start of the labor process was very scary, and disappointing. You and your husband are an adorable couple. Love the “Get the baby out exercise” phrase. No one should judge you or make comments because you want the birth you planned for. You have that right to bring your princess into this world the way you want. Natural birth is supposed to be very healthy for the baby, and mother. Glad you are all doing well. Can’t wait to read more of your story.
sue
14. May, 2010
7:12 am
Oh my goodness, what a scary thing to have happen. I think you are right to feel insulted, to some women the birthing process is very important, and if you dream and plan for it, any change can be hard to accept. I on the other hand wanted an epidural waiting for me, but my plan did not go the way I wanted. I hope you can look back on all the great moments of her birth, you did your best, far better than I could have done.
Amanda @geekdetails
14. May, 2010
7:08 am
Ugh I’m so glad you guys are all okay. I was becoming worried when you were in labor for such a very long time.
I think when people say “at least you have a healthy baby” they’re trying to look on the bright side. My labor with my second son didn’t go the way I wanted it to and to stop myself from focusing on that aspect of his birth (and being upset), I kept reminding myself that at least we were all okay and he was healthy.
I love that Dave is right by your side in all of those photos. It’s so sweet
Jen B
14. May, 2010
6:38 am
You are my hero.
I must have a natural child birth, which is what I would want, but so many people tell me how awful it will be. Thank you for this story.
Alexis
14. May, 2010
6:07 am
<3 <3 <3 Can't wait to hear the rest!! Congratulations!
Ulrika-Igraine
14. May, 2010
5:12 am
Can’t wait for the rest of your birth story! It sounds like you were very prepared and knew what you wanted your birth to be (and not!). I also had a very detailed birth-plan for and the hospital followed it to the letter and when problems arose that meant changing one detail in it they were very respectful and approached me in a way that made me feel they had all our best interests at heart. Having had a terrible pregnancy (can it truly still be called morning-sickness when it happens 5-8 times a day?) I fell into the “just get the baby out” category and took every pain-relief I could talk them into giving me. We’ll see 2nd time round if it gets any better, right?
JoJo
14. May, 2010
3:25 am
I duno how different our body is. I am an Asian Chinese and to us, Pineapple is a no no during menses and pregnancy. It will lead to bad stomach cramp during menses and might cause mis-carriage during pregnancy. It might be a myth to some people but we rather believe it. Anyway congrats! Welcome to motherhood!! I have a 2 year old boy.
Terra Cooper
14. May, 2010
2:59 am
I’m so glad you are ok and your baby is ok too! I had a traumatic labor also and know exactly what you mean when you feel like that moment was taken from you. My baby was also taken immediately after giving birth to the NICU and I also felt such a loss there as well not being able to experience holding my baby-or even seeing my baby (he was 10 weeks early, but is doing great now!) Luckily with my 2nd, my labor/delivery (day) was an amazing experience (10 weeks of labor/bedrest/hospital stays with my 2nd one, but the DAY of the delivery was so great and almost surreal it was so amazing.) I hope one day you get to experience it. BUT AGAIN CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW BABY GIRL! BEST WISHES