what no one told me about postpartum life
Posted on 01. Jun, 2010 by Princess Lasertron in baby
I keep remarking to Dave that we spent so much time preparing for labor and birth, and I am embarrassed to say that it never occurred to me to educate myself about how life would be different–both practically and emotionally–in the weeks after Alice’s arrival. Everyone always says “your body will never be the same.” Or other parents would laugh knowingly when I said things like “I’m moving into a coworking space four weeks later” or “I’ll just bring her along to the photoshoot” or “I’ll just work while I’m nursing.”
What would have been more helpful is if people had given me specific examples of adjustments they made after giving birth. So knowing that, here are my observations for you as a new mom of three weeks. I can’t speak about cesarean recovery or anything other than my own experience, but here we go:
- Have a dedicated postpartum wardrobe. There are a few reasons for this–first, you will want to be able to move freely as you slump into every chair and couch in the house holding your infant, as well as be able to change quickly when your clothes get soiled. And when I say “soiled” I don’t just mean baby poop–I mean sweat (yours and baby’s), lochia, soapy water from baths, snot, tons and tons of milk (which doesn’t smell so great after a few hours), and any other body fluid you can imagine. I recommend getting lots of pairs of XXXXXL cotton underwear, solid colored yoga-type pants (you can wear them in public), solid-colored nursing tanks (I love the ones from Target), and knit cardigans and shawl-type sweaters. I also wear tons of maxi dresses (Forever 21 has them at good prices). Things that wash easily and can be mixed and matched. And I didn’t expect to be changing my shirt 3-4 times a day, so I also recommend buying more than you think you need.
- On that note, you don’t have to look bad and unkempt and frazzled and dirty all the time in public. I thought I would.
- Skip buying maxi pads and just get depends–especially for the first week after childbirth. The amount of discharge that I had was not like a “heavy period.” It was like a mass murder bloodbath. And the blood clots! It’s like, did I have another placenta in there?! I had no concept of postpartum bleeding and I wish I had known what to expect.
- The lack of sleep hasn’t been that hard to cope with. I think mothers must get some kind of new hormone that helps them feel better with less rest. I’ve been getting sleep in four-hour blocks (except on the weekends, when Dave lets me sleep in), but I don’t feel that my energy level is diminished. I don’t know if other mothers have similar experiences though.
- Moms don’t know better than dads. It’s important for dad to have ample alone time with the baby. I have loved watching Dave form his own rituals and routines with Alice, like singing when he changes her and playing different games with her in the tub than I do.
- I never really feel clean although I shower every day (a privilege, I know). Milk dries on my skin, I sweat a lot more than normal, and the changes in my hormones have changed the balance of oils on my skin, causing acne.
- Once again, I had no idea how much postpartum bleeding there would be.
- Four hours can go by in a moment when I’m trying to calm the baby or do “Alice chores.” In four hours, I can answer all my e-mail or make six headbands or 20 boutonnieres or a posie bouquet, and have time to meet a friend for lunch or a client for a meeting. Or in four hours, I can feed Alice and give her a bath. Or do a load of laundry and make myself a bowl of cereal. Maybe.
- Everyone will want to come visit.
- Nothing I bought has been more important than washcloths. Tons and tons of the plainest, most ordinary cheap white washcloths. They work as burp rags (we save our cloth diapers to actually use as diapers), to wipe off sweat and spit-up, and most importantly they soak up all the milk that leaks all over all day long. I was proud to buy several sets of handmade nursing pads from Etsy, but for me they work for about two minutes. Instead I put folded washcloths in my shirts and I go through about eight per day. I know there are bigger problems–I’m glad nursing is going well–but leaking is cold and wet and inconvenient.
- Poopy diapers aren’t that gross.
- People will judge you no matter what…someone will always think you’re the worst mom ever. I recommend not asking anyone for their opinion unless you really want to hear it.
- Although babies sleep 16-19 hours a day, I still don’t often find more than an hour or two to get anything done. I have mastered sewing while nursing, and being able to hold the baby in a wrap helps, but when baby naps there are so many other things to do–tidying the living room for the barrage of guests constantly arriving, keeping the dishes done so the baby can take baths in the sink at a moment’s notice, keeping breast pump/bottles washed immediately so they don’t get stinky, constantly running loads of laundry up and down the stairs and folding the laundry. Plus work.
Today has been a challenge–I have two side projects due to clients and I’ve been up for the last 7 hours with my wide-awake, alert genius baby. Now it’s almost 5pm and dad will be home, so hopefully I can take that time to tackle those work projects! What a lesson in prioritizing this has been. What do you do when you are working two dream jobs?
49 Responses to “what no one told me about postpartum life”
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Grace Lee
03. Jul, 2010
9:28 am
Wow! You are amazing! I have just been blog hopping and found yours and loving it! This is probably too late but just as my two cents worth, I used the normal cheaper fatter pads but stacked one over the other to make them longer and because they were just cheaper it was easy to change them more often.
Also you were talking about KITS to making your flowers but can’t seem to find the link to buy some. Help? Would love to give them a go!
Mary
11. Jun, 2010
9:26 am
This is the first time I ever read such a list; this is a brilliant post – I’m bookmarking it for my son’s SO who is expecting in August.
Thanks!!
You have an adorable family!!
Steph
08. Jun, 2010
8:56 pm
Thanks for that post! I love how honest it is! I’m expecting in November and posts like this are super helpful.
Julia
08. Jun, 2010
12:55 pm
Thank you so much for this post! I’m due with my first in November and it is SO helpful to read the cold, hard, gross, wet, slightly horrifying facts of life right after the baby comes. I will go ahead and purchase the Depends ahead of time:). Thanks again and keep em’ coming!
Alisha Mancinas
07. Jun, 2010
10:08 am
Megan- I’m right there with you on the sleeping and the poopy diapers, however, a warning, once she starts eating anything other than breastmilk, she will start to stink! And to any mama’s still bleeding, Always Infinity came out a lil over a year ago, they are THIN & COMFY and they hold all that blood. Much better than anything else I found (although I didn’t try depends).
Anna
04. Jun, 2010
10:48 pm
thank you so much for your honest and thought-provoking post! i’ve been looking at your daily alice blog too! it’s nice to read along and see how it’s going:)
Sarah
04. Jun, 2010
12:43 am
Great post! I wish I had had something like this to read before I had my (now almost 2 yr old-gah!) son. The closest I got was “The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy”, which I found wildly entertaining. There’s also a “Guide” to the first year, which was kind of fun, but not particularly informative for the choices we made. I make sure to tell all of my pregnant friends 2 things: 1) nursing will not be painless, it will likely be complicated and painful for a few weeks, but it gets better; and 2) either take the big blue pad that they put in your bed at the hospital or find a big waterproof pad of some kind. It’s great for the slaughterhouse effect as well as for airing out baby’s diaper rashes in the coming months. : )
As far as nursing, it was so much more stressful than it had to be! The teacher of my breastfeeding class/lactation consultants…everyone said “it shouldn’t hurt.” And to that I say, NUTS. It was anything but painless! I also had uber supply and was grateful for it, but could have definitely done without all the leaks. The only thing that kept it all in check were Lily Padz–I was in a wedding when my son was 5 weeks old and had nary a leak with them…phew!
My son still loves his “mookies” and it’s the only time where I feel like this little monster is my sweet baby boy again!
Princess Lasertron
04. Jun, 2010
12:58 am
ooh great suggestion for the diaper rashes! I still have those big blue pads but I’ve been sleeping on towels every night (and I still am!).
Merry WA
02. Jun, 2010
8:31 pm
All I can say is that if anyone told me what it would really be like, I don’t know that I would have believed them (surely if it is that challenging, gross etc people wouldn’t go back and do it all again), but yes we did/ do. I must admit the second time around was much easier as I was more prepared, and I was also far more organized.
As for breast pads, I used some great disposable ones that had “absorbent crystals” in them that turned into a gel when wet (yes gross, but I had enough milk to feed the whole 3rd world country & a baby that wouldn’t drink it).
Gail S.
02. Jun, 2010
8:24 pm
Reading your post brought back MANY memories. I have 3 kids: ages now 30, 25 and 18. Back then we had no internet just the book by Dr. Spock (not the Star Trek guy). I read that thing over and over to see if I was “normal” to have these certain feelings and things happening. I live in rural Nebraska so there wasn’t anyone around to talk with to see if I was normal.
I will tell you to hang in there. It will start to get better. You, Dave and Alice will get into a routine. Still plan when you go somewhere to take 3 extra outfits for Alice and one extra one for yourself.
I can so relate to the leaking problem! That was a big problem for me. Never did try washcloths – I was big enough already that washcloths would have really stuck out!!
I remember one time my Mom stopped in to see how I was getting along. It was 3:00 in the afternoon and I was in my pajamas. I told my Mom I had to start getting ready for bed then because I never had time to later on!
Take care – it does get better believe me
Karen
02. Jun, 2010
3:10 pm
Fantastic advice! I too found myself nodding along. I smiled at the washcloth advice-my baby just turned 16 and I am still buying the cheapie pack of 2 dozen washclothes. I think some of the washcloths in the rotation are still from baby days.
The blood thing-gosh I remember wondering how big of a clot is TOO big, and whether I would actually wake up in the morning or just bleed out.
Babies are little time suckers. Laundry and nursing and food are constantly interrupted. I felt like a human milk machine. Oh and another piece of advice for soon to be moms-nursing can be tough. Many hospitals and birthing centers have lactation consultants on staff-use them if you need to. My second baby had a totally different nursing style than the first.
Loved the daddy advice too-our ritual always had me handing off baby to Dad after her bath, so he could get her diapered and dressed, while I showered.
One more piece of advice-ignore everyone’s advice. Go with your gut. Do whatever works for you. I had clingon kids who screamed constantly unless they were held. The only way I slept was if they slept in my bed, and I had to hold them constantly. They wouldn’t sleep on their backs. I resisted putting the first on her belly for 2 months. I did not sleep for 2 months. First night I put her down on her belly she slept through the night. She was a healthy baby and I finally had to go with my gut or lose my mind.
When people told me I had to put my babies down to train them to stop crying, my mom told me to hold them. She said the time that they wanted to be held would pass by so quickly. Soon enough they would be off on their own. She was right. Cherish it.
christy
02. Jun, 2010
1:55 pm
I had my second child 3 months ago (our 3 year old is also an Alice!), and everything you write about is so true. A couple of things I have done to make my life more simple that might help with some of the things you mentioned in your post — I bathed both of my babies in the big bath tub. I just got right in there with them and held them on my legs as I soaped them up. This took way less time than bathing them in the sink, and it meant that doing the dishes didn’t have to be a priority. Also, both of my kids LOVED the swing. In fact, baby #2 is in the swing right now. The swing has allowed me to have lots of uninterrupted time to do what I want around the house. Hang in there! The first couple months are like the deeper reaches of hell in some ways, but it goes very quickly. Soon you will look back at the time and wish your baby was small again, and amazingly, you won’t be able to remember any of the uncomfortable parts. I think this is our body/brain’s way of ensuring we want to have more children. Have fun with your beautiful Alice!
Teneke
02. Jun, 2010
12:08 pm
Wow! I had no idea of some of the after effects of giving birth. Reading your commentary helped me to arrive at 3 conclusions:
1. What a brave and honest post that I’m sure has helped a lot of people accept/anticipate what comes next.
2. My deciding not to have children was totally the best decision for me.
3. Extra kudos to those ladies that choose to have children and have to roll with the less pleasant consequences.
SherriAnnelle
02. Jun, 2010
12:03 pm
All I have to say is you are my hero! And just because women have been doing it since the dawn of time means NOTHING! This is the first time it is happening to you. Own your feelings and experience and thank you for sharing the info, I’m taking notes from all of you mommies.
Jenn
02. Jun, 2010
11:48 am
I laughed my way through this as well.
I had my son 2 months before I turned 17. I read through every book and magazine I could about pregnancy and child birth (since I knew next to nothing), and like most other first time moms, all I could gather about the “after-life” is that I was going to be SO happy with my little guy. A heads up would’ve been nice.
As for juggling 2 jobs, well, I juggle 4. I have a 3 year old boy, full-time school, and two jobs. Prioritizing is key, and so is learning to let go. Being a little late with a clean baby in your arms is better than showing up on time with a screaming, stinky kid who’s missing a shoe, and you looking like you’re going absolutely nuts & ready to kill.
Also, do yoga. It helps keep your stress levels in check & burns baby weight off like no other. I do the Biggest Loser yoga video with Bob. The work outs are 30-60 minutes, and perfect for winding down before bed. I usually put my son to sleep, finish the dishes/laundry/homework, then relax my way through the video. Love it.
Carrie Anne
02. Jun, 2010
11:43 am
Wow, I was nodding along throughout this whole post. I really wish I was prepared for post partum life as I was prepared for pregnancy and birth. Especially because most of the population has gone through this before! I felt sort of cheated by them, like, “hey! you knew this would happen! why didn’t you tell meeee?” LOL. I’m bookmarking this and am going to read it when I find I’m expecting baby number two.
Christy
02. Jun, 2010
11:05 am
I have a 15 month old and one on the way and I can remember having this exact conversation with my husband. Why doesn’t anyone say anything about the post labor experience? It was amazing to us that no one mentioned all the things you said in your post. And I applaud you for being honest!
I did things “differently” than a lot of those around me and it was hard to feel confident when people were doubting me. I encourage you and your husband to do what you think is best and have confidence. After getting through the newborn phase, I can tell you that there is no one right way to do things.
Oh, and I remember that “I am just so gross” feeling even after just stepping out of the shower! And the feeling of accomplishment if I made myself a peanut butter sandwich AND ate it. You are not alone, dear sister! And I can’t wait to do it all again in a few months!!
Jennifer
02. Jun, 2010
10:55 am
Ok, so since I’m pregnant with my first (which is three years ahead of schedule, I might add lol) I found your post wonderful. Terrifying and wonderful.
Thank you for being so honest — I feel like so many people just gloss over or sugar coat so much of having a baby — it’s refreshing to have someone put it all out there.
Godmama Teresa
02. Jun, 2010
10:45 am
Your post brought back a lot of memories Megan! The baby years for me seem so long ago and yet I feel like my “babies” became 13 and 16 in the blink of an eye. In answer to your question about having two dream jobs, Jane Pauley said,
” Women can have it all…just not all at once.” I have found this comment true off and on over the years. There will be some days when you feel like the world’s worst mom and some days you feel like the world’s worst career woman. Motherhood requires a lot of juggling and it sounds like you are mastering this art quite well!
tanya
02. Jun, 2010
9:11 am
Oh Megan, how I wish I had someone tell me all this stuff before I had Miles. I was NOT prepared for the crazy hormones, the problems with nursing, the BLEEDING (which scared me so bad I actually thought I was dying), the sleeplessness, etc. I think because I had a c-section it took me a lot longer to feel normal. I literally didn’t feel like an actual human being for at least 6 weeks. I was in a fog, that’s the only way I can explain it.
And if anyone is telling you that you’re an awful mama, they are crazy. I tried to let unsolicited advice go in one ear and out. I made myself feel like a bad mom on my own, I didn’t need other people to tell me that. Still don’t. As a parent, you will always question your choices and hope you’re doing the right thing.
Also, the point about letting Dad have their own time with baby is SO true. That was my hardest thing to overcome but I’m so glad I did.
Oh, and uh..I quit pumping at 12 weeks (Miles was never able to latch on but I wanted him to get breast milk) and I’m still leaking. He’s almost 11 months old.
You’re doing great.
ann
02. Jun, 2010
6:28 am
I applaud you for telling it like it is! i was wondering how you were doing with your work and a baby. Believe me you are doing much better than i would. To tell you the truth i just took care of my babies and slept when i could for the first few months.
I hope some dads read this so they will understand.
I don’t think anyone told you about after the baby is born because you probably wouldnt have believed them at the time. You cant believe it til you have to do it.
You will be fine, take care of your baby , take care of yourself, let everyone help you and dont feel guilty.
It’s hard but well worth it.
Sarah Sue
02. Jun, 2010
5:05 am
I so wish someone would have posted something like this before I had my two girls. I really think the after stuff is overlooked, and you are left thinking is this normal?? Is this right?? Very good point. You are doing an awesome job with Alice!
Beth
02. Jun, 2010
12:28 am
Bless your heart girl!! I am 44 years old and my “babies” are now 16 and 13 but your post brought all those new baby feelings back like it was yesterday.
You are doing great. Just keep believing in yourself as a mother and remember that no one KNOWS your baby like YOU do!!
Kim
01. Jun, 2010
6:51 pm
The leaking won’t be so bad as time goes on… BUT I’m 5 months postpartum and still leak occasionally. It’s usually just a morning thing but sometimes in the afternoon I will look down at my boob to find a big wet spot…. oops!
You didn’t mention anything about swelling. Maybe that’s just a c-section thing because my whole body swelled soooo bad after birth for about two weeks. My feet were the worst. I usually wear a woman’s 10 or 11 shoe and I had to have my hubby go out and buy me MEN’S size 13 slippers. ohhh man… my feet were so fat!
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
7:59 pm
I did not swell so maybe you are right, it could be a c-section thing! I love the comments of this post…I’m learning a lot!
Ariel
01. Jun, 2010
6:49 pm
God, the LEAKING. No one prepared me for the leaking. Despite my nice hippie cotton nursing pads I thought I’d use, I was reduced to buying bulk boxes of Lasinoh disposable nursing pads for the first few months: http://www.amazon.com/Lansinoh-20265-Disposable-Nursing-60-Count/dp/B002TLU5JO/offbeatmama-20
Nothing else would stop the flow of breastmilk all over everything. Like you I felt so blessed by the abundance, but GAH. I was messier than the baby for the first 12 weeks! Happily, my flow regulated itself a bit around 16 weeks, and I don’t need the pads any more. Maybe I should send my extras to you??
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
8:02 pm
me too! my pads arent enough, I just use washcloths folded into eighths! I really hope it goes down–four months, holy moly!
Ariel
02. Jun, 2010
3:53 pm
I just put an envelope full of my extra Lasinoh disposable pads in the mail for you. They have gel inside like maxi pads or diapers, and so they can REALLY absorb a lot of leakage.
ashlie
01. Jun, 2010
6:34 pm
Thank you so much for this post! I’m due with my first in December and am really getting tired with all the knowing looks and “Oh, you’ll see!” comments. Why must everything be such a mystery, like it’s some secret club that you can only be a part of after going through it? Share the wealth of knowledge, ladies!
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
6:38 pm
exactly! the smugness isn’t helpful.
Ariel
01. Jun, 2010
6:52 pm
I wrote a post on OBB about the “Oh you’ll seeeeeee” comments, and I need to write one for OBM too because it was the WORST PART of pregnancy!
http://offbeatbride.com/2010/01/fear-mongering-youll-seeeee
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
7:59 pm
yes, I read that post! I hate the smugness….
Cindy
01. Jun, 2010
6:01 pm
This post is so true. I wish I had read it 6 months ago when my daughter was born. I had a second degree tear and it took 2 months to heal. It became infected over and over again. My stitches tore open repeatedly. I didn’t know that the doctor doesn’t always cut you open, and I assumed I’d stretch to give birth to my baby. I wish someone had told me. and I wish someone had told me about the bleeding. We came home from the hospital on Thanksgiving and everybody wanted to come over every single night to see the baby. I didn’t want anybody over. I wanted the place to myself with my husband and my daughter and my dog. My husband didn’t understand what I was going through emotionally. I wish we had just told everybody no. I had several breakdowns because I couldn’t handle it. Those first few weeks are so precious, please please PLEASE take time to remember them and enjoy them. I did a craft show with my daughter when she was two weeks old. I figured I’d have enough time to prep for it after she was born because all babies do is sleep, right? … why didn’t someone tell me that I’d have no time to shower, let alone sew up ornaments. I had hardly nothing on my table, and I nursed her in a backroom at the venue the show was at, and I hardly made any money compared to the other shows I had done, but looking back, it was the sweetest memory I shared with her. One day she’ll be sewing with me, and one day your daughter will sew with you too
I wish I could go back to those days when she was a little curled up ball of cuddle on my chest sleeping and all I wanted was a shower and time to eat dinner. She’s 6 months old now and teething and crawling and squealing and she has grown entirely too fast.
Learning how to nurse her hurt so very badly. I hated it at first and felt guilty about spending $100 at a consultant to teach me how to do it better. I don’t feel guilty about it anymore. and just when I felt like I mastered sewing while nursing, she grew, and got more curious, and now it’s impossible to do anything while feeding her. I just keep in mind these days don’t last forever.
I struggle with the balance in my new life as a mother. I feel like I’ve been preparing to be a mom for the 25 years I’ve lived, and I’m just overjoyed with my daughter, but I also have a strong desire to create. It’s my passion. and when I don’t have enough time to create, I just fall apart. I still haven’t figured that one out.
Sorry to babble on… this was a brave post to share! There are many of us who understand. Your Alice is so very precious
Lori Moore
01. Jun, 2010
5:56 pm
And to think I never knew how lucky I was to have friends that shared with me the “shark attack” phenom – a.k.a. postpartum bleeding. This is a lovely post for first time mothers. I’m pregnant with my third now, and belong to a “due in” board. Would you mind if I linked this post? There are hundreds of first time moms over there who haven’t thought a lot about the moments past meeting the baby.
P.S. – Here’s my question into the ether as a third timer: I’m looking to have my first natural childbirth. With an eight-year-old and special needs six-year-old, how on earth am I supposed to find time and babysitting to attend TWELVE weeks of a Bradley Method class?! Ack. I guess if that’s my biggest problem, it’s all good.
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
5:59 pm
Our teacher was pretty flexible about needing to miss classes or come late or leave early, etc. Find a flexible teacher, and a babysitter of course. I think the classes were SOOOO worth it!
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
5:59 pm
oh and yes you can post this! thank you!
Jennifer
01. Jun, 2010
5:48 pm
I felt much the same way after the birth of my son 7 (8 in 2 months)
We were largely spared the unsolicited advice, save one piece that wasn’t specific, but encompassed all and it came from a grandfather that worked with my husband at the time and we still hold to today. As your child grows, whatever you tell them you are going to do, no matter how trivial, do it. The one time we failed to do just that is the one time my son can remember every detail.
My feelings of inadequacy and guilt set in before I even gave birth. We were an emergency c-section, both of us were in distress. (If you’d like the story I can email it to you.) We were in such distress I didn’t make it past a 4 before everyone was yelled out of the room and the beds dropped.
I’m hearing impaired and you can imagine the fear when I couldn’t hear what was being said in all the commotion, while my husband was just trying to get the facts so he could keep my posted. I wasn’t informed about what would happened during an emergency srugery.
I had post infection, trouble with my milk coming in, 3 weeks of no where but bed and bathroom while I healed and gerd issues I felt very inadequate, very guilty, very much like a cow.
I was constantly questioned about why I choose to breast feed, our decision to use cloth diapers and why I chose to make his food purees at home using organic produce. No on got it, and I didn’t need them to so I stopped explaining myself would tell them no so politely to butt out. None of those decisions do I regret.
It was probably around month 4 when I started seeing real personality that some of the fog started to life.
But I think by far the thing I feel most guilty about, is despite mandatory bed rest, 2 weeks after giving birth I was back to working from home on the laptop. I feel guilty about that. Not because I couldn’t hold my baby all the time, not because laundry wasn’t done, or dishes and dinner ready, but because it robbed me of what I consider a crucial adjustment period to motherhood. That’s something that I concerns me with you.
What I learned:
Some jobs are easier to negotiate than others, My employer let me work from home for 3 years just coming in once a week for a few hours to get caught up to everyone. Baby is hungry, not negotiable. Having every piece of laundry done is negotiable, Bathing the cat to remove the lastest baby vomit is not.
It is o.k. to turn away guests, even my own family. It’s down right healthy and empowering. (I still practice it today.)
It’s o.k. to not hold my baby so I can do things. I used a laundry basket stuffed with a pillow that was covered zipped pillowcase so I could keep him close but was free to do what I needed.
If all everything has been checked for, it’s o.k. to let them cry.
No matter how much your husband says he gets it, he really doesn’t understand the full scope of exactly what is happening to you, how to help you cope with it, nor how much it is going to change your relationship both on the surface and intimately. This is a job better suited for my mother.
Date night is still important, wait…essential during this time.
No matter how hard it gets, no matter how I feel about my body or my inadequacies, I will make it through to the other side just as the mothers before me have.
It’s o.k. to let it all hang out. When you go to the store for motrin or place salt instead sugar in your basket all the while getting weird stares from other women resisting to the urge to tell you there is soured milk caked in you hair, you can rest assured they aren’t thinking you need to get your act together. More than likely they are wondering how on they themselves, made it through such a turbulent, unpredictable time of their life. They get it.
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
5:59 pm
I love that advice!
Jeanelle
01. Jun, 2010
5:31 pm
You can also add to the list that nursing really freakin’ hurts at the beginning. At least it did for me…with all three of my children.
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
5:32 pm
yes! i forgot that one–it really freakin hurt for me too.
Kelly
01. Jun, 2010
5:18 pm
Such great information for new mamas! Right there with you on the bleeding…why oh why is there no warning about that??? Seemed to last forever!
Amy
01. Jun, 2010
4:49 pm
I am both chuckling & tearing up as I read your post while my “babies”, ages 3 & 5, frolic in blow-up pool next to me on our patio. You are correct: with all the advice you are given throughout pregnancy, there is virtually NO preparation for a few of the less, um, glamorous sides of new momma-hood. I was sure there was something wrong with me as I continued to lose more blood than I previously thought humanly possible in the days following my daughter’s birth. And the laundry: between two kids with reflux (i.e. projectile spit-up) & daily blow-outs from the other end, the mountains seemed to keep growing no matter how much wash we did.
The worst of all, the sudden & brutal realization that time is, indeed, a thief. Everything seems to take longer, what I once could easily accomplish was met with dread or ignored completely and minutes would melt into hours as I sat contentedly nursing or snuggling my little blessings.
Finding balance is something I continue to struggle with, even now, as my girl prepares for 1st grade & the little terror I call our son, enters preschool in the Fall. I don’t claim to have any answers, but one thing I am certain of: our struggles with motherhood are not only as unique as we ourselves and our children are, but also, as similar can be. Trust in yourself, trust in your partner, lean on your friends. And when or if Blessing #2 comes along, hold on tight cuz it’s a whole new roller coaster!
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
4:53 pm
exactly exactly! I could have written this exactly about losing time. xoxo
Jennifer
01. Jun, 2010
4:39 pm
How true! Great post. I am pregnant with my 3rd, I have two girls and am expecting a boy. The worst thing for me with my first was the feelings of hopelessness, inadequacy, and despair for the first few weeks. I loved that baby more than anything but when she was crying hopelessly in the middle of the night I would just sit up and cry with her. I had moments when I thought “what have I done?” and “who can I giver her to?” I felt like I just couldn’t handle it and I felt awful for feeling that way. Breastfeeding didn’t work for us and I tried for a month and a half and felt sooooo guilty and worthless that I didn’t want to do it anymore. When we switched to Soy Formula she was a different baby! I felt like I came out of a fog! Things sure got better after that and I enjoyed every (ok almost every) minute of her! There are so many things that you cannot know before hand but even if someone tells you, you still think what you want and won’t believe it until it happens to you. Good luck and hang in there, it does get easier everyday! Alice is gorgeous and so lucky to have parents like you.
Jeepers
02. Jun, 2010
5:29 pm
After reading this comment…..I’ll take the risk of being called obnoxious or out-of-line, to post this link: http://www.postpartum.net/ .
It’s ok to have post-partum depression. There’s Nothing wrong with it. It’s a hormonal thing that you couldn’t have done *anything* to prevent. But you Do need to seek out support.
The “feelings of hopelessness, inadequacy, and despair” as you wrote might be worth checking out….you owe it to yourself, you know?
Just do me a favor and check out that website, or have one conversation with your doctor. Your comment just worried me
and if the “cost” is being called a snarky commenter, then fine, I’ll take it.
Cate
01. Jun, 2010
4:29 pm
Thank you so much for this! I’m expecting my first little one in August and I’ve been educating and preparing for the birth but I’m just now realizing how really life changing it’s all going to be!
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
4:33 pm
congratulations to you! I will make another post in a month as I learn more.
Karley
01. Jun, 2010
4:19 pm
What an honest and informative post! Thank-you so much for sharing this with us!
Princess Lasertron
01. Jun, 2010
4:32 pm
thanks karley