making it work as a working mom

Posted on 29. Jul, 2010 by in alice, business, FAQ

I received a thoughtful question in a past post.

“I am amazed that you can get work done with a newborn around. How do you still make progress with caring for Alice at the same time? I have a home business too, but it’s hard finding time for work AND the baby…does Dave watch Alice so you can work? Please send me an email with some tips if you have time…I’m getting frustrated and afraid I might have to close shop until baby is older!” -T. Bride

Planning and luck.
Tuning into baby.
Leaving my schedule for hers.

I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom since I was little. Maybe it’s only because that’s the example I was raised with. Throughout high school and college I never saw myself becoming anything other than a mother. That’s not to say that I rushed into motherhood or spent those years looking for a husband or didn’t cultivate my own interests and passions–I mean look at me now, I’ve been a workaholic for five years. Although the dream of being a mama never went away, I sort of subconsciously reframed my goals in the context of the reality of my life.

It is unrealistic to expect that anyone can go from a busy career–especially as a businessowner–to doing nothing but mothering. I know now that that’s not how I’m built. I like to juggle too many things at once. I don’t have any example to look to of a mother who doesn’t really stay at home, doesn’t really work at home, but is somewhere in the middle. So it’s easier to make it up as I go. If there were no commitments, no customers, no meetings, but just me and my daughter and my work which I love, how would I fit it all together? That is what I asked myself.

Growing up I saw my mother’s devotion to her family and love for homemaking and I interpreted that as who she was. She made lunches, she built forts, she brought us on all of the family errands, she watched my plays and read my stories and helped me hold an art show in my bedroom. Her life as I knew it revolved around us. But now that I have a child, I can better appreciate all of the dimensions to my mom, to any mother.

She is a volunteer in several organizations, she is a very talented writer and photographer, she is sort of a foodie and loves to travel. She didn’t abandon her passions when she became a mother, she made them work within her life as it changed and evolved.

So that is what I have done. I am continuing to live my own life and, at this point, Alice is along for the ride. I hope that she will look back and see that I was an encouraging, inspiring representation of A Woman Who Has Many Roles and that she can remember the point when she herself veered away from me onto her own path.

So.

I am lucky that she is an easy baby. Very predictable and easy to communicate with.
I am lucky that my parents and grandparents are nearby and supportive. I often work at their house where they help me by making me dinner and entertaining Alice.
I am lucky that I was able to move my studio out of my house and form the coworking space. It was perfect timing as I now have a place to bring her when I work at night.
I am lucky to have the flexibility to adapt to Alice’s schedule instead of forcing her to live within mine.
I am lucky to have an assistant who can lessen my workload.
I am lucky to have a husband who does the cooking and cleaning and laundry.

Generally I am just lucky. I can’t rationalize it.

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11 Responses to “making it work as a working mom”

  1. lauren

    02. Aug, 2010
    4:16 pm

    when i read your post i thought “she put into words what i’ve felt and tried to emulate for nearly eight years” – how surreal is that when something so small-worldy happens? some days better than others.

    i’ve owned my own business, out of the house, for nearly eight years. my daughters came to work with me every day until they became old enough for pre-school. my youngest was three months old and i too had her strapped to me while helping customers and placing orders. i kept a small cradle for her in the corner and had a pile of pillows for my oldest daughter to nap on. looking back i am so thankful i had the extra energy of my youth – i don’t know if i could do it now ;) was it the energy or my naivety… who knows.

    i can tell you this – little alice will treasure the photos you are taking now of your time incorporating your WHOLE BEING and beg you to tell stories of daily events you did with her and funny memories you two shared in your studio. you are feeding her inner creative spirit even now by doing what you’re doing.
    keep going! no minute of your little girl’s life can be recaptured, enjoy every minute! best to you and yours! take care!

    Reply to this comment

  2. T.Bride

    02. Aug, 2010
    9:58 am

    Thanks, Megan! I completely understand the “not having an example” part…I don’t either, and I have a hard time wondering how I ‘should’ be doing this.

    I don’t want to lose my identity as a person, but I’m always asking myself if I’m being the best mother I can if the world doesn’t revolve around the baby. I hope to find the balance that you seem to have…

    Even if it means getting a certain husband of mine to do some more chores so I have less on my plate :)

    Reply to this comment

  3. Mª José

    30. Jul, 2010
    2:40 am

    ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Beautiful!!!!!!

    Reply to this comment

  4. creole wisdom

    29. Jul, 2010
    2:11 pm

    I’m glad you answered that question. It’s something that I’ve wondered (along with other readers, I’m sure!)

    I think you’re a great role model for women who are creating their own means in this economy (small business owners, those who work a few different jobs…) Women like me. Like I wrote in another comment a while back, I often wonder about how my dream goal of being a wife, homemaker and mom will fit with my passions and love of writing and photography.

    Thank you for also being honest about the fact that you have always wanted to be a SAHM. I have always been honest about it, and sometimes it is poorly received (mostly by other women, which I find very interesting.)

    Kudos to you!

    Reply to this comment

  5. brooke @ claremont road

    29. Jul, 2010
    12:14 pm

    Thank you so much for this. Since you have had Alice, I have noticed how well you seem to have adapted to being a business owner AND a mom without collapsing. I recently started a business (I work ALL THE TIME) and my husband and I will probably start thinking about kids in the next year or so; I get a little scared about how I’ll manage it all — Will my business fail if I can’t put in as many hours? Will I lose passion for my business? Will I resent my child for taking me away from my career? — but your post is a reassuring reminder that there is no Master Mommy Schedule that you have to follow. We can do a little bit of everything and write the book ourselves depending on what works best for us.

    Thank you!

    Reply to this comment

  6. Godmama Teresa

    29. Jul, 2010
    10:53 am

    I am so proud of you! You have realized that there is no “right” way or just one way to approach motherhood…your mama taught you well! Also, I love when you post pictures from your childhood ’cause that’s how old you always are in my mind. They bring back a lot of wonderful memories spent with you and your family. Good luck with the new co-working space – can’t wait to hear how it progresses!

    Reply to this comment

  7. kim*

    29. Jul, 2010
    9:38 am

    Back in the early 90s my aunt started her home business. She also watched her baby while he slept, or was playing. It is great when your business thrives and you can do this. It has been a dream of mine. Don’t know when my business will boom or if it ever will you are blessed by God. I like to say lucky too but in the end only God knows why he gave you this YOU LUCKY LADY!

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  8. Jenny Mick!

    29. Jul, 2010
    9:26 am

    I love reading these posts about how you’ve adjusted to working life as a mom. As someone without kids but will continue to work when I do have them, I think it gives me great a glimpse into what my life will be like at some point. I appreciate how you share this stuff – a lot of people will just describe these life events and adjustments so briefly that people who haven’t been through it don’t really have a good idea of what it’s like.

    Reply to this comment

  9. Dad

    29. Jul, 2010
    9:00 am

    You looking at rocks is one of my favorite.

    Reply to this comment

  10. Becky K.

    29. Jul, 2010
    8:44 am

    You are an inspiration to all of us out there trying to imagine maintaining the lives we know once we have kids! Thanks so much! The last picture is beautiful!

    Reply to this comment

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