things I don’t want people to know
Posted on 16. Aug, 2010 by Princess Lasertron in personal
This post was inspired by a forum thread and blog post (here and here). One poster commented that maybe this exercise is theraputic, and maybe we just want people to know. Maybe we want our selves to be seen, and not just what we present.
1. I have a huge pile in my office of unsent thank-you notes from Christmas and Alice’s birth. Should I send them anyway?
2. I think I have made food for my husband just three or four times, ever. I often feel guilty that I am not a better cook, because to me that represents being a good wife.
3. I may never share pictures of my house because it is too messy. Our realtor, who sold us the house, has asked at least six times–every few weeks or few months–to come visit, but I am too ashamed to let anyone inside. I think people observe my love of design and style and assume I live in a gorgeous, well-decorated incubator of inspiration but it could not be less true–I’m a slob. Most days I would rather be anywhere than in my home.
4. I’m not a person of faith. I guess I’m not afraid to admit that to others, but I admit that I wish I was a believer because I think it’s just nice. It must be nice. I think that believing in a creator would give me comfort. But I believe that faith can only come from revelation–not from just being “raised with it” or from tradition–and I just have not been stirred to that. I don’t think it’s right to pretend that I have and I don’t think I ever will.
5. I have lost touch with friends because of my work. I’ve become pretty unreliable socially.
6. Before I had Alice, I used to smoke once in a while–like, a 3-4 times per year–and I miss it sometimes. I am good at quitting things–meat, soda, smoking–and I won’t start again–but there, that’s the truth.
7. I’ve been in an abusive relationship.
8. I don’t watch the news or read newspapers. I used to–I was a newswriter for a while and planned to work in journalism–but it’s just not enjoyable and I don’t find the time.
9. I’m sort of afraid of microwaves.
10. I’ve peed in a pool.
11. I’ve never tried spaghetti, soup, a hamburger, a salad, or a sandwich other than pbj.
12. The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done is call a girl fat once when I was at a camp as a child. Maybe I was ten. She cried. I still think about that and it hurts me so much to know that I said something so heartless to a young girl–though I was a young girl myself–that I made her feel less than, that she felt less special and beautiful because of me. It kills me to think that someday that could happen to my little girl. If I could take back anything I’ve done in my life, it would be that moment. I regret it so much. Kids do such mean things and it’s so awful.
13. I don’t think I remember how to do long division.
14. Sometimes I look at pictures of my exes on Facebook and check out what they’re up to these days and feel really really really smug. (Don’t we all do that?)
15. I have a huge compulsion to peek in people’s bathroom medicine cabinets.
16. I’ve had that freaking egg pancake for dinner every night for the last 4 nights.
17. Sometimes I wish I was Lady Gaga.
Don’t feel bad about yourself.
You are awesome and loved.
xo
meg
Photos via Mary Ruffle, Tatielle, Paul Mathers.
52 Responses to “things I don’t want people to know”
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Derek Anson
11. Jan, 2011
12:23 pm
great post… I can recommend the Whopper by Burger King
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kim*
23. Aug, 2010
10:26 pm
I can see that you think about it or something is in your noggin about it because I do notice you tweet stuff every no and then. even if it is JUST about how annoying believers are. heh
Stephj
22. Aug, 2010
11:30 pm
I relate to the part about being mean to a kid as a kid and regretting it. There was a little girl on my street that I gave a hard time to for some weird reason. I’ll never know why I thought I reserved the right to pass judgment on her like that. Probably the typical transference of abuse… I s definitely treated meanly by a friend oldde than me. On the same street!
Oh the cycle. Thank you for sharing.
Stephj
22. Aug, 2010
11:32 pm
Ugh sorry about the typos. Guess I’m more tired than I thought.
Amy
20. Aug, 2010
9:34 am
You are pretty amazing for sharing these! I wish I wasn’t such a hideous slob. Yesterday I hung up over 50 items of clothing and my bedroom floor is still completely covered in stuff. Sigh.
What DO you eat, though? You seem to have not eaten so many things!
The ending was the best bit for me, though. I am loved and I not perfect but I’m trying (most of the time.) Thank you! x
Laura
20. Aug, 2010
1:26 am
Thanks Meg, it was quite therapeutic
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19. Aug, 2010
7:30 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by kim windyka, Tammy G. Tammy G said: 'Nother new blog I'm now following. Post: Things I Don't Want People to Know: http://ow.ly/2saiR [...]
kim
19. Aug, 2010
7:11 pm
love this list! it’s always extremely affirming to read such honest posts when a lot of bloggers/blog posts seem to lead us to believe they live in a magical fairyland
Tammy
19. Aug, 2010
6:57 pm
I found your blog through Rock n Roll Bride. Am loving this post – and happy to not feel alone.
I do lots of these. And I definitely avoid having people over bc my house is so lame or messy – even though I like to think I have some design style. May inspire me to blog this topic as well. Look forward to reading more. Xo – Tammy
Lizzie_Kate
19. Aug, 2010
10:52 am
Megan,
As I’ve continued to read your blog over the past few years, the one thing that has always struck me is your honesty, and willingness to be vulnerable. So few people are willing to take that risk, and I applaud that you are. Sometimes I think in admitting the things we are most embarrassed about we are given the opportunity to change the things we can, and accept the cannot. Thank you for being such a real, down-to-earth, talented designer, blogger, mother and woman. We’re all just doing the best we can most of the time, and it’s refreshing to hear someone as talented and successful as you admit it.
Be well.
<3
Pie
19. Aug, 2010
8:23 am
Lady Gaga? Really? It looks like so much hard work. Definately send the thank yous. How great to think you’re thanked even this long after the event rather than just a name on a very organised person’s data base. I reccommend you try a sandwich. It’ll rock your world. .
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amy f
18. Aug, 2010
11:03 am
Ditto to 3,4,5,7,9,10,13,15,17
x
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jennifer J
18. Aug, 2010
12:05 am
You are so much fun! I doubt that Dave cares a whit whether or not you cook … that’s why they have restaurants! Here are some links to some quotes about housework that you may find amusing … like this one by Joan Rivers, “Don’t cook. Don’t clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum – “My God, the floor’s immaculate. Lie down, you hot (strumpet)!” You are perfect just the way you are, Miss Megan! Thanks for another insightful and enjoyable post!
http://www.quotegarden.com/housework.html
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/housework.html
April
17. Aug, 2010
11:15 pm
You crack my stuff up! Eat some spaghetti.
Ani W
17. Aug, 2010
9:22 pm
Love this post! We can all be a bit weird in some way. I’m impressed that you have such bravery to share such honesty with all of us. Thank you!
I can really relate to #12. I once said something SO mean about someone…not even to them. And I still cannot forgive myself for saying it. I have regretted it ever since.
meg duerksen
17. Aug, 2010
9:18 pm
never had spaghetti? whaaaaaaaa?!!!!
thanks for the shout out about the summer post.
everyone had great ideas.
carikraft
17. Aug, 2010
7:05 pm
I am totally a slob! I think it is because there is always a whirlwind of ideas in my head to distract me from the clutter around us and also because I’d rather be bringing one of my ideas to life rather than wasting that precious time vacuuming or sorting through school papers the kids bring home or doing laundry or finding a home for all the stuff we bring home in bulk from Sam’s! UUUgggh!!!
georgia
17. Aug, 2010
2:09 pm
I wish i was Lady gaga too…
and i dont believe in any religion
i also have lost friends, but because i like to be a ‘hermit’ and have alone time, but too much alone timr passes and then my friends have moved on.
I have pee’d in a pool loadsa times… haha – but hey, thats why they put chlorine in it!!!
xx
Kat @ Inspired To Action
17. Aug, 2010
8:53 am
I love your wonderful honesty! And I especially adore the way you ended your post – encouraging those reading it. That was the whole point of my original post. I really appreciate that you “got” it.
Merry WA
16. Aug, 2010
11:02 pm
Just remember, people are visiting you not your house – or atleast that’s what I try & tell myself. I will also say how great it is to read a blog by someone who is “human & with faults”. I find blogs of all these beautiful immacualte hones a little intimidating. Thanks!
Jenny Mick!
16. Aug, 2010
6:33 pm
I like the idea of this – I’m sure it’s somewhat therapeutic to air it all out.
Also I love the baby on the couch!
1. yes send them – better late than never!
2. I felt the same way – Joe cooks all the time because of our work schedules and I’ve often felt like I’m not pulling my weight in this department. But he likes it and he doesn’t mind so I’ve learned to not worry about this one so much anymore.
3. I’m guessing a lot of photos you see of people’s homes or the conditions they’re in when you visit look so pristine because they’re being photographed – or visited. We all have a bit of mess – as long as people are nominating you for hoarders I think you’re ok
5. Integrate your social life into your work life! You’re in a unique position with your career to do this! (Example – CAMP opening, OFW, etc.)
12. This sort of thing often bothers me about myself. There’s been a few people that I’ve been mean to and it’s followed me forever. I need to just send them messages and let them know how sorry I am!
13. You don’t need it
xo
bell
16. Aug, 2010
5:14 pm
Thank you for posting this! It’s good to know that we’re all normal.
I can relate to most of your things.
I almost or never cook {besides baking} and my house is so messy!
and I was gonna say something about #11 like “how in the world you’ve never tried all those foods?!” but then I remembered I’ve never tried a stake or a lobster in my life and I think I never will.
#7 … brought tears to my eyes. a very simple and short sentence and with so much in it… it’s very difficult for me to talk about it. makes me vulnerable and I don’t like that. but I think, at the same time, it’s good to let it out and accept it. I think it’s great that you can type it down and let it go.
and sometimes I wish I was Zooey Deschanel. she’s so pretty ans classy.
you’re awesome Meg. Thanks. ♥
Princess Lasertron
17. Aug, 2010
1:20 am
<3
CJ Johnson
16. Aug, 2010
3:10 pm
1,3,4,5,7,8,9,10,12,14,15, & 17 are all things I can say are also true of myself (with slight tweaks). I love when people are strong enough to post information like this, it lets us know that we are not alone in the things that we are sometimes most afraid to admit or be judged about. Once again you are awesomeness!
Karli
16. Aug, 2010
2:40 pm
I love this post! But you have me wondering about #11. I’d love to hear more about that. Thanks for being so honest
Dari
16. Aug, 2010
2:11 pm
I am floored by the things you haven’t eaten. That is crazy and cool at the same time
Your list is great. I love hearing “real” things about people I admire!
Cristina
16. Aug, 2010
1:38 pm
Great post! On the house thing… it’s perfectly normal. I think it’s a common trait with artists/designers/creative people, or so I’ve been told (maybe they just tell me that to make me feel less awful about my mess??) to be particularly messy and sloppy. I don’t have my own house yet, but my room is quite the disaster area.
And I too, wish I was Lady Gaga a lot. I love that she just does whatever she feels like, dresses how she wants (I would love to be able to get in costume like she does!) and is comfortable with being over the top. Why can’t we all be like that? We’re only young once and when we’re 40 we won’t be able to do that stuff anymore! That’s why, even though I’m not going out of the house with huge hats, a thong and fishnets… I do take more chances and have more fun with my hair, makeup and clothes. Who says we can’t dress up like we did when we were children??
jen
16. Aug, 2010
1:11 pm
thank you for sharing … it’s always nice to know that we’re all really “normal” beyond the fluff that is posted on facebook, blogs, etc. {not calling your posts fluff … just saying so often we only share the positive sides!}
ps i think you should definitely send the thank you’s … it’s never too late.
Stephanie
16. Aug, 2010
12:04 pm
Thank you for the house comments. I am 39 years old and you would think that I could figure out how to keep my house clean. But no I cant seem to manage it. I have a full time job as a lobbyist and live with my boyfriend, my 16 year old step daughter and 2 small crazy dogs. Sometimes I feel like I am not a “real woman” because I manage this basic thing. But then I just figure I would rather spend my free time with my family then cleaning all the time. (I just don’t want to end up on one of those hoarding shows.) Maybe we will have a family cleaning day!!!!
Gina
16. Aug, 2010
11:56 am
It’s never too late to extend gratitude or sympathy. It’s ok to send your thank you notes now.
CaLynn
16. Aug, 2010
11:55 am
Meg, we would so be friends if we lived in the same area! Im not social to begin with, so #5 wouldnt bother me a bit and we are alike in almost every other point;) I love that you keep it real! Wish i could challenge you to a game of Puerto Rico – at my place of course:)
Princess Lasertron
17. Aug, 2010
1:18 am
xoxo
Sarah
16. Aug, 2010
11:54 am
Thank you for sharing the story about calling a little girl fat. Your post was very beautifully written and it must have been so hard to say your most embarrassing moment so Ill share my most embarrassing story with you… I once found 3 really pretty rings in my junior high bathroom, I really liked them so I kept them. The next day the owner of the rings saw me wearing them and asked for them back and because I felt suddenly like I was “caught” I lied and said they were mine. Later I gave them back but I never felt so horrible in my life for not giving them back immediately or turning them into the lost and found right away.
taylor
16. Aug, 2010
10:56 am
i like that you shared the story about calling the little girl fat. it warmed my heart so much to know that such a small thing you did years ago still upsets you. i’m sure if that girl could read this today it would make her feel so special that you still think about her.
thank you for being so honest.
Brittan
16. Aug, 2010
10:52 am
Thank you. We read blogs about other people’s lives and they always seem so lovely… so much so that sometimes I feel inadequate. I don’t have beautiful pictures of my home and art and family to post on my blog because I live out of suitcases right now, am barely beginning to hone my art and my family (which is just me, my son and my cat) is in disarray right now because I’m trying to finish grad school and am unbelievably poor. It is so comforting to know that the people I look up to (especially you, someone who runs her own business based on her art and has so many aspects of her life that I would love in mine) is more than just a perfect blog. Thank you. Also, I was in an abusive relationship at one point too, and often feel like no one understands what that journey was like. I really appreciate this post.
spleeness
16. Aug, 2010
12:55 pm
What a beautiful post and set of comments. This one in particular moved me… thank you so much for sharing, it helps me to feel less alone.
Becky
16. Aug, 2010
10:36 am
I always wish I was Lady Gaga – so much so im having a Lady Gaga themed hen night soon and I cant wait!!!! x
Rhonda
16. Aug, 2010
10:34 am
I am completely shocked that you have never had those foods!! Thanks for this post. Makes me feel more normal.
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10:31 am
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16. Aug, 2010
10:29 am
this is really good, I enjoyed this very much. i love reading your blog but I rarely comment because I am super lazy
I think I will have to do this on my blog too and I will be sure to link back
enjoy your week!
Amanda @geekdetails
16. Aug, 2010
9:48 am
I think everyone does #14. Everyone I’ve asked anyway.
For the house thing, I thin it’s a matter of finding “homes” for all your stuff in your house and paring down stuff. My house now is fairly well maintained in the public areas but my room is pretty trashed still from going to a convention in June.
The rest of the house is stylish and clean though. It wasn’t until I found ways to store my shit. Have you noticed magazine pictures don’t ever show like *real* people live there? There’s no stuff or places to store it. I think it gives people an unrealistic expectation of how homes should look.
Alisha Mancinas
16. Aug, 2010
9:20 am
You amaze me daily. We need more affirmation that we are ok, that this life is normal. This post brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for showing us a glimpse into your secrets
Kelly
16. Aug, 2010
8:37 am
We’re all a bit messed up.
Good post.
kat - rock n roll bride
16. Aug, 2010
7:13 am
i can totally relate to the house thing and i feel the exact same way. i wish i lived in a stylish, glamorous house…
Stacy G.
16. Aug, 2010
6:44 am
thank you for sharing with us.
Stacy G.
16. Aug, 2010
6:44 am
Thanks for sharing with us.
Claudia
16. Aug, 2010
3:10 am
I am so with you about the slob – thing. Whenever somebody wants to come over to me to my tiny appartment I am very nervous, I have to start cleaning an tidying 2 days in advance. And then i usually welcome them with my vacuum cleaner (or full trash can, or…) in my hand because I didn’t make it in time. I hate it, but on the other hand – I am creative and part of my chaos comes from me creating things. And I wouldn’t (and couldn’t) stop that.