four months with alice

Posted on 12. Sep, 2010 by Princess Lasertron in alice, baby

Dear Alice
A-Train
A-Money
A-Bomb

This month I have tried to keep up with all of your new developments but they happen every single day so it’s hard to keep track. I’m late with this letter but this weekend was a doozy. On the day you turned four months old, I hosted a secret fashion show in the Mastercraft Building to give our family and friends a special sneak peek at my first dress line. It was also a good chance for us all–the models, the stylists, assistants, and me–to rehearse for the big show this Saturday. It’s a 300-foot runway. Whaaaat! I dunno what I’m going to do with you that day. Details.

Okay enough about mama. I’m going to go back to what happened two hours ago because it exemplifies what I think is the amazing connection that is continuing to grow between us. At midnight we got home from work and I fed you. You had naked baby time on the floor while I got a bath ready for both of us. After a minute I brought you into the big bathtub and you floated around in my arms, quiet, observant. Stunned when I let your head float as your ears went under the water. We sat next to the faucet and I passed my hand in and out of the water, and after a few minutes of hesitation you tried it too and it blew your mind. Your eyes were like saucers. After your bath I gave you a massage, fed you, and you went to sleep.

Your happiness and seriousness are becoming equally more and more defined. You are just as observant and humorless as you are content. Totally drama-free. I think you are our little scientist.

Other new developments:
…You love being thrown into the air. your whole face turns into a smile and you squeal sooo loud!
…Today grandma and grandpa brought you your first little plush doll. I’m calling it your “friend” because the word “doll” connotes ghost stories and haunted attics to me. (Hopefully I don’t pass on ALL of my neuroses to you.) There is a lot going on with this toy–it doesn’t just rattle, it’s not just soft, it doesn’t move, but there is always something new to discover. Two pigtails to chew on! a little nose to chew on! Flowers on her shoes to chew on! Arms and legs to chew on! etc.

…You roll over both ways, from your back and your tummy. The day I learned that you were totally mobile on the floor was the day you pooped on the only carpet in our house and rolled through it. Major style points there.
…You got ringworm on your head. I’m still trying to get an appointment with a doctor to get that checked out. Plus you need booster shots.
…You got thrush. So you’re just full of interesting fungal infections. Grode. To treat that, we gave you Gentian Violet, this vibrant purple medicine that dyed EVERYTHING purple. Your mouth, your clothes, anything that touched your mouth.
…You are almost sitting up. You can crawl up and down with your hands while you sit on your butt, but not quite let go.

From time to time lately, you are a little needy at night and refuse to sleep in your cradle. On those nights, no matter how asleep you are when I put you down, you immediately wake up and become upset. I secretly love snuggling with you to sleep in our bed. We both sleep better.

However, you are also strengthening your ability to cope with being upset or uncomfortable. You cry very little–virtually never for me and not long when you are with dad. You like sucking and gnawing on your fingers, fists, and feet. I can hear you in your crib or on the floor sucking on your toes from across the house. You also drool constantly, soaking the fronts of all of your clothes. I also hear you scratching from across the house…on the floor, the couch, the mattress. You roll over on your tummy and try to scoot, scratching things in the process.

Like I say every month, I keep waiting for it to get hard. I’m having a hard time emotionally, but that is a brain chemistry issue, nothing you have done. I am going back to therapy this week to get help for it so I can be easier for your dad to live with–easier for me to live with. 90% of the time it feels like being with you is the only thing that keeps me moving forward, the only thing that gets me through the day. I am glad and lucky that I can take you to work every day with me. Being with you all day is a privilege. I get to see everything you learn, reply to every “BEH!” and “Hooooooo?” and be there to feed you and comfort you when you need it.

Tomorrow we are going to the class reunion for our Bradley Method childbirth class. Everyone’s babies have been born and we are all going to meet each other! You are the oldest. Sometimes I miss that day you were born. What an awesome day and how special every day has been ever since. There’s never a day that doesn’t matter, since you came to us.

xo
mama

Tags: letters