Forgiveness: Radvent Journal Dec. 4
Posted on 04. Dec, 2010 by Princess Lasertron in inspiration, personal, radvent
Hooray, Radvent day 4! I’m so overwhelmed and happy about the response to this project. I thought of it one night when I was trying to come up with a fun advent project, and the participation has just totally warmed my heart. I feel so “heard” and I have loved reading your entries throughout the day–on my iPod in the car, while feeding Alice, at night before I go to bed. You’ve all brought me so much happiness. Thank you.
Today’s theme, “forgiveness,” is meant to help you start the holiday season with a clean karmic slate, for lack of a better term.
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It’s hard to come out of a place of resentment, and it takes practice (just like everything). Practice forgiving about small, everyday things. You can always non-forgive later. Who and what are you ready to let go of resentment toward?
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I thought this was an important theme to include in the Radvent project and I admit that I scheduled it early in the month because it’s going to be one of the hardest challenges for me. I am not good at forgiving. I don’t hold grudges or constantly rehash my grievances, but I don’t remember the last time I consciously forgave someone. I’m going to explore this a little bit here. In front of you.
Many inspirational speakers and books preach the gospel of forgiveness–that everyone deserves it, that it is essential to self-actualization, that it is always the right thing to do for your emotional health. I have mindlessly paged through chapters in books about the “gifts of forgiveness” and the lessons learned by letting go of grudges and pain. I told myself, “This doesn’t matter to me, I have no one to forgive,” but that is not the truth. In doing these self-reflection exercises, I need to face that.
People I am ready to forgive, to practice:
* The therapist I visited at rock bottom who made me feel like I was wasting her time * The boyfriend who went to strip clubs * My first grade teacher who never challenged me * The mean girls who passed notes about me in 7th grade * My classmate who said my self-portrait was ugly in 5th grade * My friend who tore my favorite poster because he was wrestling and showing off in my living room * Myself for missing a few people in my Radvent reposts *
People who I am not ready to forgive yet:
* The boy who held me underwater while I was playing in the pool at my dad’s ten-year high school reunion * The family friend who told me I should be on medication * People who rip off my bouquet designs and try to pass them off as their own * The person who abused me *
An episode of What Not to Wear. A glass of water. A beer. Writing a thank-you note. A bowl of cereal. Calling my parents. Now I am coming back to ponder this some more. See how I am avoiding this subject? I am not comfortable sitting with this feeling. Now it’s 3:30am.
I have one experience that I have never spoken about publicly on any blog–and I have been blogging since 1995. I was abused by a past boyfriend. After we broke up, I decided to burn the bridge and since then he has been dead to me. I never saw him again until I briefly ran into him by chance this year, and it affected me very negatively. I had forgotten that pain, but now I think about it often.
I was very happy going about my business without ever thinking about that horrible chapter in my life. What I know now–only now–is that ignoring the memory for almost ten years didn’t solve the problem.
“You must realize that everyone is doing the best they can from their own state of consciousness.” -Deepak Chopra
I’ve learned that the lessons of loss–the “gifts of forgiveness”–don’t always reveal themselves quickly. I am still waiting to understand the positive that can come from my experience with abuse. I am not ready to forgive this person because I am not done letting myself sit with the feelings of anger. This year after our chance meeting was the first time my anger resurfaced, and I found myself facing denial, shame, self-blame, and now I am feeling just anger. I have to sit with and get comfortable with those feelings before leaving them behind. So I am on the path of forgiveness–I have begun the process–but I am not yet there.
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Running in the rain with my old friend at our 5-year high school reunion
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Forgiveness does not mean “waiting to forget.” I tried waiting for ten years of time to take the pain away and it didn’t work. As the feelings of hate and loathing came over me when I recalled my experiences with this person, I never got over it because I never let myself feel the feelings. I buried them instead of freeing them.
I’m on the path. I’m doing the work.
xo
meg
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practice this affirmation:
I forgive myself.
I forgive everyone.
I am totally free.
-SARK
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Click on the thumbnail below to download a printable .pdf of today’s radvent journaling prompt! Or check out the graphic on Flickr.
Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link and I will repost it here!
24 Responses to “Forgiveness: Radvent Journal Dec. 4”
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Lizzi
12. Dec, 2010
6:23 am
This one helped me a lot and not in the expected way. Thanks for the prompt and the Sark quote. http://manystepssideways.blogspot.com/2010/12/radvent-4122010-forgiveness.html
Radvent 2010 – Day 4: Forgiveness « The Rebecca Project
10. Dec, 2010
2:06 am
[...] 4 of Radvent 2010 is all about Forgiveness, which is one thing I am terrible [...]
Vanessa
07. Dec, 2010
10:57 pm
interesting approach to forgiveness and i ABSOLUTELY agree that you cannot bury your feelings and experiences, you have to let them sit for a while and accept them, let the “cure” like a coat of paint so to speak, before you can begin to overcome them
this post makes me think of my husband’s entire family for some reason because they truly make our lives miserable and can’t leave well enough alone so it’s hard to let the feelings they provoke in me go because they never give me time, they are always stirring up more trouble
Jill
07. Dec, 2010
1:51 pm
Megan,
I always read your blogs, but rarely comment on them. I feel like I couldn’t let this one slip past.
This is a very painful, yet beautiful topic that I wrestle with on a constant basis and I don’t think nor am I upset with the fact that I may never master it. However, there is something prolific in the recognition of forgiveness.
This point of time, at the start of the new moon and nearly to the winter solstice (the day of the year with the least sunlight) are wonderful times to address these issues that constantly seem to test us as humans.
Our lives as individuals, as we take on and shed roles as we go, will always have the pock marks of troubles past. It takes a tremendous amount of bravery and grace to take the accountability for the experiences had as your own and then process them as only you can. I think that is what struck me most about this entry.
Thank you for sharing and exposing the little bits about yourself that people don’t normally get to see. It was very touching to me.
xo
Princess Lasertron
14. Dec, 2010
5:55 am
<3
creole wisdom
06. Dec, 2010
9:50 pm
Thank you again for being so honest.
I was emotionally and (nearly) physically abused by a past bf. I had an incredible amount of rage and it would come and go. I worked through it and basically did not date for a year. It took a long time to process and work through.
I’m so sorry it happened to you. I’m sorry it happens to so many of us. Why is this? What is with our world? I think about this often.
I think a human is such a precious thing, the even thought of not treating someone with the decency they deserve never crosses my mind. It frightens me.
At the same time I’m honestly inspired by all the good I see, and I’m glad for blogging and babysitting and all the other nice things that show good in the world.
-Katie
Jenny Mick!
06. Dec, 2010
2:00 pm
This one almost brought on some tears!
http://jennymickeliunas.blogspot.com/2010/12/radvent-forgiveness.html
Kelly
05. Dec, 2010
8:54 pm
This one was really hard–but thank you!
http://ourlincolnlog.blogspot.com/2010/12/forgiveness-radvent-day-4.html
lauren
05. Dec, 2010
7:13 pm
i need to forgive myself.
how does one make that just a little. bit. easier?
*
http://iprefertousemyrightbrain.blogspot.com/2010/12/forgiveness.html
Forgiveness | Sharp Curves Ahead
05. Dec, 2010
12:22 pm
[...] prompt event called Radvent engineered by Megan Hunt owner of Princess Lasertron and thought today’s topic was interesting. This very thing has been on my brain lately. I have some festering resentments and I’m not [...]
Amber
05. Dec, 2010
2:02 am
Thank you for being so open with all of us even when the subjects run deeper – it’s nice to be reminded that none of us has to be alone.
I was in a primarily emotionally abusive (rarely physically abusive) and draining relationship for over a decade. It’s amazing when you see people in bad relationships and you just wonder if they can see what the rest of the world sees is going on. I even thought that when I was in my own abusive relationship.
In some ways it’s easier to forgive the abuse while it’s happening than it is after the fact. You want to believe every apology is sincere, so you forgive. But if you’re fortunate enough to finally break out of a bad relationship, all those bandaid apologies start to peel away and you have to deal with the real wounds left behind. And that is so much harder to forgive.
Natalie
04. Dec, 2010
11:13 pm
Forgiveness has never been a talent of mine. It was definitely good to look back at the past and clear some things up so I can face the future with more positivity.
Day 4: http://nataliesnotebook.com/?p=117
Natalie's Notebook » Blog Archive » Radvent Day 4–Forgiveness
04. Dec, 2010
11:10 pm
[...] Today’s prompt: It’s hard to come out of a place of resentment, and it takes practice (just like everything). Practice forgiving about small, everyday things. You can always non-forgive later. Who and what are you ready to let go of resentment toward? [...]
Rachael
04. Dec, 2010
10:46 pm
Hey Megan,
Thank you for sharing your story- I can only imagine how hard it was for you to talk about it.
This was a tough one. I wrote mine up over here- http://rachaeldickson.wordpress.com/2010/12/04/radvent-2010-forgiveness/
Katie
04. Dec, 2010
5:43 pm
Hi Megan
Thank you so much for posting this and for being so honest and open with your readers – I’ve really been enjoying the challenges set by you for Radvent, but this one touched a nerve and really made me think about who I’m ready to forgive.
I don’t often keep a journal, but I think once in a while I need to write a message to myself.
Thank you for sharing yours.
Lindsey Kaye
04. Dec, 2010
5:31 pm
Forgiving myself is the hardest.
http://lovelindseykaye.blogspot.com/2010/12/radvent-124-forgiveness.html
Ariel
04. Dec, 2010
11:52 am
Oh man, this one is going to be hard for me too — I am a grudge holder!
Best thought I’ve heard on this issue: When you hold a grudge, you’re letting some asshole be a rent-free tenant in your brain. Forgiveness = eviction.
I’m working on it, but am very, very bad at it. This is going to be a rough post to write.
megan v
04. Dec, 2010
11:42 am
This is such a great topic – and definitely not easy – you’re right! It’s not just a one day journal entry…it’s a process. My extended family has long histories with not being foriving, and in fact holding deep and decades lasting grudges. I never understood it as a child and now that I’ve grown up, I still don’t. Why isolate others that way, and isolate yourself? It must be intensely hard to forgive someone that hurt you so badly though Meg and I hope that you can somehow, someday find a positive in the situation. Maybe teachable moments for Alice? Off to write on the topic in my journal! xoxo
Lenore
04. Dec, 2010
11:00 am
Thank you so much for this Megan… I have a hard time with forgiveness myself, and while this was a heavy way to start my morning, I think it was much needed.
While I don’t post on your blog much, I wanted to take a minute to let you know that your art, your beauty and your willingness to let your readers in is a constant source of inspiration to me.
http://asmallbird.tumblr.com/post/2092208285/radvent-12-4
Kim
04. Dec, 2010
10:13 am
you are brilliant and lovely and real and sweet and raw and radiant and AMAZING, Miss Megan! As always, I am blessed by your sharing…!
~S
04. Dec, 2010
9:56 am
I am lucky in never having been physically abused by a boyfriend and for having the strength to walk away from a situation that could have easily turned to that. I was however in an emotionally abusive relationship 10 years ago. I was very young and thought I was in love, and I stuck around a long time because he convinced me that noone would love me as much as he did. It took a long time to finally cut ties with him and for me to move on, but I’m so glad I did. I can’t imagine how different my life would have been if I hadn’t gotten out of that relationship. I do forgive him, and maybe that’s easier for me than for others because I do think that he was beginning to realize in the end what he had done wrong, we were both young and naiive. I do think that I would not be the person I am today without that experience, and perhaps would not have the clarity in my life that I do now, the clarity that helped me see so clearly that the man I met 6 years ago was the one I wanted to marry. When I think about how my life would also have been very different if I hadn’t wasted so much time in a bad relationship, I could have done this or that, but if I had, maybe I wouldn’t have moved where I did, found the job that I have now, or even met my husband at all. For me, it’s more difficult to forgive friends that I considered very close to me that have hurt me. I’ll try to talk about that in my blog today.
Thanks Megan, for reminding me to reflect on my own forgiveness. It always makes me feel very lucky to be where I am today.
Brianna
04. Dec, 2010
8:46 am
This is SO FUN
http://itsybitsybrianna.blogspot.com/2010/12/radvent-journal.html
bell
04. Dec, 2010
6:24 am
Wow.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m really loving the Radvent Journal!
I was also abused by an ex-boyfriend. I finally dumped him 4 years ago after living with him for 2 1/2 long years. I am now very happily married with a super awesome, kind man.
But I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive him. He made me fell ugly, stupid, useless. I felt ashamed for letting him treat me that way, so I never spoke to anyone about it. I think that’s why it took me so long to pack my stuff and leave.
I haven’t either understand what’s really positive about this experience ’cause, after it, I found myself having issues thrusting other people and also wanting just to walk out if a relationship got too “complicated” instead of getting solutions to, maybe, simple problems.
I can forgive my dad for telling me when I was a kid that I’d starve if I became a photographer, and I can forgive my elementary school classmates for bullying me for being a nerd. I can even forgive HIM for still owning me $2,000. But I could NEVER ever forgive him for giving me the worst time of my life.
*sorry for the super long comment*
you always inspire me. Thank you. ♥
Bell
bell
04. Dec, 2010
6:34 am
**married to** ~ I blame Insomnia. ^.^