Today is my husband’s birthday, and I was trying to think of something I could write or say that he would appreciate. In the past I have written long treatises of love or listed wonderful things about him but I think I know what would make him most happy.
The Best of David Paul Homan on Twitter
Dave is one of the funniest people I know–definitely the only guy I’ve ever dated who came close to matching my wit. (ha!) My gift to him is sharing his humor with all of you–I know that he would be very moved if you would laugh at his jokes. Enjoy these tweets, they are my favorites of his.
my wife is out of town, as the saying goes “while the cat’s away, the mice grow a beard and watch iron man 2 in his pajamas.”
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) March 22, 2012
buttons twitter needs:”Blocked for mentioning my ex”"Blocked for posting inspiration quotes”"Blocked for instagram pics of duckface”
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) March 25, 2012
NOTHING’S IMPOSSIBLE ON LEAP DAY!! *stays home from work and watches Naruto all day*
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) March 1, 2012
‘The Grammy goes to Chis Brown, who can’t be with us tonight as he is in hell doing pushups on a floor of spiders forever.’
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) February 13, 2012
I dont normally get my fortune told but this one today ruled. Every tarot card she flipped over was a McRib and we cheered after each reveal
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) June 21, 2012
i’m basically going to the gym so this miami heat jersey i found in the street last week will look better on me
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) April 3, 2012
Instead of yo gabba gabba today Alice wanted to watch atlas shrugged on Netflix.She loves it but where do I get a John Galt beanie baby?
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) March 13, 2012
Bachelor #3, if i were ice cream how would u eat me?”i’d prob be all drunk and put you in a taco shell and microwave u”
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) June 8, 2012
You know what killed vaudeville? *holds up ancient dagger with the words ‘child of the void’ etched into the twisted blade*
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) April 25, 2012
i spent 2 years trying to explain to alice ghosts aren’t real, thanks for fucking that all up ghost tupac.#ConcernedParent
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) April 16, 2012
I won’t believe corporations are people until newt gingrich leaves his third wife for one.
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) January 11, 2012
if good friday isn’t a great day to wear my easter bonnet then i don’t know what day is, HR DEPARTMENT.
— mrlasertron (@mrlasertron) April 6, 2012
I could go on and on forever, obviously. So that’s just a little peek into what it’s like living with Mr. Hunt-Homan. He keeps things light and makes me laugh every day. Follow him on Twitter and tell him happy birthday today!