Endings and Beginnings. Loss and Hope.
May 2, 2013
Big changes are coming for me.
Since I started keeping a blog I’ve benefited from offering a window into my personal life, sharing my challenges, accomplishments, milestones, and fears. The wide community of support and friendship I’ve discovered online has helped me process, cope, celebrate, mourn, and learn as I’ve grown and collected my experiences. So right now I need to reach out to you all, share some news, and ask for support for myself and for my family.
My husband David and I invested these last eight years together and created a life with one another, and those years were well-spent. The growth and love we nurtured in each other made us who we are today in this moment. I truly married my best friend and we will always love each other and be one of the most important people in our lives. Dave and I look back on our time walking in life together with gratitude, and now we are looking forward to a future on separate paths.
Though we came to the decision to divorce amicably, it is still heartbreaking. I’m mourning the loss of a future we had planned for, and that’s the hardest thing to let go of. But there is no love lost, and there are no sides to take. No one has been wronged. We will always be co-parents to our daughter and we both have her happiness and best interest in the forefront of our minds.
I’m accepting that my life isn’t going according to plan, and something else that is beautiful, special, and meant for me lies ahead of me. I’m embarking on a genuine, real adventure to discover it. It’s a beginning as well as an end.
I am not taking any steps backward. Princess Lasertron will continue and I look forward to creating more bouquets and flowers for weddings this year. I’m also very grateful for the honor of finishing my first craft book this month for release next year and contributing to several projects with some of my most admired industry colleagues and authors. My e-commerce startup Hello Holiday is growing steadily and I believe more than ever in its potential and value for women and emerging designers. I’m proud to be involved in many community organizations including Safe Space Omaha and the Nebraska AIDS Project, and I’m drawing huge fulfillment and pleasure from my pursuits in civic activism and feminist writing. I’m looking for an apartment and creating a space for myself. And of course I’m building this new life for Alice, one where she will be nurtured, safe, and loved as much as ever.
It is sad. It is exciting. It is scary. I am very worried. But I am an extraordinarily lucky person and I have hope. I expect good things because I am open to giving up control over this transition and accepting that reality isn’t always something I can plan. I trust that I am where I should be, even when it hurts.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for reading as always. Thank you.