Archive for 'personal'
things I don’t want people to know
Posted on 16. Aug, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
This post was inspired by a forum thread and blog post (here and here). One poster commented that maybe this exercise is theraputic, and maybe we just want people to know. Maybe we want our selves to be seen, and not just what we present.
1. I have a huge pile in my office of unsent thank-you notes from Christmas and Alice’s birth. Should I send them anyway?
2. I think I have made food for my husband just three or four times, ever. I often feel guilty that I am not a better cook, because to me that represents being a good wife.
3. I may never share pictures of my house because it is too messy. Our realtor, who sold us the house, has asked at least six times–every few weeks or few months–to come visit, but I am too ashamed to let anyone inside. I think people observe my love of design and style and assume I live in a gorgeous, well-decorated incubator of inspiration but it could not be less true–I’m a slob. Most days I would rather be anywhere than in my home.
4. I’m not a person of faith. I guess I’m not afraid to admit that to others, but I admit that I wish I was a believer because I think it’s just nice. It must be nice. I think that believing in a creator would give me comfort. But I believe that faith can only come from revelation–not from just being “raised with it” or from tradition–and I just have not been stirred to that. I don’t think it’s right to pretend that I have and I don’t think I ever will.
5. I have lost touch with friends because of my work. I’ve become pretty unreliable socially.
6. Before I had Alice, I used to smoke once in a while–like, a 3-4 times per year–and I miss it sometimes. I am good at quitting things–meat, soda, smoking–and I won’t start again–but there, that’s the truth.
7. I’ve been in an abusive relationship.
8. I don’t watch the news or read newspapers. I used to–I was a newswriter for a while and planned to work in journalism–but it’s just not enjoyable and I don’t find the time.
9. I’m sort of afraid of microwaves.
10. I’ve peed in a pool.
11. I’ve never tried spaghetti, soup, a hamburger, a salad, or a sandwich other than pbj.
12. The most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done is call a girl fat once when I was at a camp as a child. Maybe I was ten. She cried. I still think about that and it hurts me so much to know that I said something so heartless to a young girl–though I was a young girl myself–that I made her feel less than, that she felt less special and beautiful because of me. It kills me to think that someday that could happen to my little girl. If I could take back anything I’ve done in my life, it would be that moment. I regret it so much. Kids do such mean things and it’s so awful.
13. I don’t think I remember how to do long division.
14. Sometimes I look at pictures of my exes on Facebook and check out what they’re up to these days and feel really really really smug. (Don’t we all do that?)
15. I have a huge compulsion to peek in people’s bathroom medicine cabinets.
16. I’ve had that freaking egg pancake for dinner every night for the last 4 nights.
17. Sometimes I wish I was Lady Gaga.
Don’t feel bad about yourself.
You are awesome and loved.
xo
meg
Photos via Mary Ruffle, Tatielle, Paul Mathers.
Continue Reading
happy birthday to my bestie
Posted on 02. Aug, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
Today is Mr. Lasertron’s birthday.
My sweetheart who I loved at first sight.
33 things I love about you.
1. your committment
2. goth night
3. moving four times
4. your love of fashion
5. your patience
6. sunday morning all-I-can-eat pancakes
(more…)
Continue Reading
visiting dana college
Posted on 15. Jul, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
this was my little mailbox at dana college.
whenever I got a package, a little post-it note with “you have a package!” or “special delivery!” hand-scribbled on it was slipped inside.
that is why small colleges are the best.
Continue Reading
my weekend
Posted on 14. Jul, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
Back to moving now.
Categories…(I can’t start to pack until I have boxes categorized)
(more…)
Continue Reading
dana college: saving the school that saved me
Posted on 06. Jul, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
If you aren’t local or haven’t kept up with my rantings on Twitter or Facebook, my alma mater Dana College was forced unexpectedly to close last Wednesday. After facing years of financial difficulties, Dana was sold to a group of private investors who agreed to give the college financial backing to allow it to continue operating with its own staff, faculty, and mission statement. College regents and administrators thought it was the best-case solution for a worst-case scenario and I agree with them.
Dana College learned last Wednesday that the Higher Learning Commission in charge of accrediting colleges in our region did not renew Dana’s accreditation, thus stopping the sale of Dana and forcing the college to close its doors. I can’t even begin to express how much my heart is hurting over this, how devastating this is to so many people in my community. Dana administrators and members of the private investment group agree that it was an unfair and shocking decision to deny accreditation to the institution, and you can read more about those circumstances here.
This is the speech I gave at the 2008 Dana College Builders’ Luncheon, held to honor donors to Dana College, about how Dana influenced me. I thought it was a timely thing to share.
I think that one of the luckiest, coolest things a person can do is travel. No matter who or where you are, stepping outside of your own environment, crossing a boundary, or making a new private discovery, can reawaken your awareness of your own place in the world.
So, if you know much about my background, knowing how much I value travel might make you wonder why I chose to come to Dana.
My name is Megan Hunt and I am a fifth-generation Blair native. I graduated from Dana College in January, and I am a member of Dana’s final class of Intercultural Communication and German graduates. Dana College is a place for academic achievement and personal growth for so many students, as well as a central part of the Blair community. I’d like to thank you for your support of my college and my community by telling you about how going to college here at home led me to cross boundaries I didn’t think I would break, and step into new worlds where I never in a million years thought I would go.
My relationship with Dana College did not begin as a student. Growing up here in Blair, Dana College was often the base for activities I participated in. My four best friends and I spent many summer afternoons pedaling up to Borup Coliseum where we would swim, play games in the open grassy spaces, or explore until our moms came looking for us. Dana’s Brunch on the Hill also became a tradition in my family, one time each month when we all rejoined with each other and other friends from the community.
Many of my friends and I also spent weeks here participating in summer camps and classes like Little Vikes basketball camp, and the amazing TREK Camp that was run by Dr. Kay Ferguson in the 90s. TREK was like a space camp, science camp, and computer camp all rolled into one, and students really did come from all over the world—From Spain and Hawaii to Omaha and Blair—to use the resources here at Dana College. We made web pages, rockets, and movies, and it all culminated at the end of the week with a space shuttle simulation in Elkhorn Hall.
It surprises me to realize that all of those times I rode my bike up College Drive, all of the hours I spent on the Dana Campus as a child, it never crossed my mind that this would be my future college.
During a difficult battle with depression, I left high school early in my senior year. I finished the classes that were required for my high school graduation, and spent the rest of that final spring semester taking classes at Dana College.
I just enrolled in a few classes that sounded fun to me to get me out of bed and give me something to do. I took a music history class, Ethics with Dr. John Lyden, and World Literature with Dr. John Nielsen. At the time, I enjoyed taking classes here because I liked being in a different setting away from the social challenges of high school, I liked being in a new environment surrounded by new knowledge, new responsibilities, new people. I think that’s the first time the seeds were planted in my mind about the great resource Dana College was to become for me.
When I graduated from high school in 2004, I felt like I was standing before an open door, and walking through it would be like walking straight off of a cliff. To be honest, I wasn’t sure that I was going to go to college, for a couple of reasons. Cost was an issue for me, I didn’t know what I wanted to study yet, and I was still really struggling with my personal anxiety issues.
I didn’t have a life dream or one true passion, although there were lots of things I probably could have done. In high school, I was a dedicated musician, in band, choir, and an Omaha youth orchestra. I found success in journalism, forensics, and I even enjoyed video gaming and web page development as a hobby. As all of my high school friends were applying to the best programs of the area they wanted to study, I was still really struggling to narrow it down.
One day during this time, I remember being woken up pretty late in the day by my mom. She told me that Dana College was having their scholarship day, and maybe I should get a nice outfit on and go up there and give it a shot. I wasn’t prepared at all, I hadn’t planned on going, and I wasn’t very happy about being woken up. But my mom convinced me to go.
I remember waiting in a line at the library to be interviewed by faculty members, and not feeling nervous at all because I didn’t feel like I had a chance. When it was my turn to go into the room and speak to them, I don’t remember the questions they asked me, but I remember talking about my deep roots in the Blair community and my personal connection to Dana College from my childhood. I talked about my problems in high school. I said that I wanted to start with a blank slate in college, and I was ready to soak up the knowledge, the experiences, the culture, and responsibilities. That college was going to be a place where I made myself.
So, this wouldn’t be much of a story without a happy ending. It was a letter I got in the mail several weeks later that told me I had been awarded a Presidential Scholarship to attend Dana College. To be honest, my first thought was, what, are they just giving these out to everybody??? Because I really didn’t think I was going to receive anything at all. And it started to sink in, and I took it as a very lucky, generous, wonderful gift I had been given—the opportunity to go to college, have it paid for, and at that moment, I felt a lot of my worries about my future just lifted away.
So although I lived in Blair my whole life, and grew up in a culture that Dana College played a huge role in, that is the little backstory about how I actually came to be a student here at Dana. The next transformation in my life came a few semesters into my time as a student at Dana, and it’s really thanks to Dana’s German Professor, Dr. Sybille Bartels. She added German class to my schedule freshman year, and I didn’t especially want to take German,, but I didn’t protest because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
To be honest, German language came to me easily. I had always been really interested in linguistics and I was a big fan of English writing and speaking, so I think that the skills needed to understand the syntax and grammar of a foreign language were already there in my mind. Every semester I kept signing up for German, at first because it was an easy class for me, but not after long, I realized that it was my favorite subject, the class I looked forward to most.
Did you know that after the Revolutionary War, the new American congress convened to consider adopting a new language for the United States? When it came to the vote, English was chosen over German as the language of the new republic—but only by one vote!
Did you know that German is the second-most widely-spoken language in Europe, after Russian? It’s also the official language of seven countries. Studying communication and German, I thought our world is growing increasingly smaller and less isolated, and these skills I am learning are things I enjoy, and things that I can use to reach out to the whole world. From here in Blair.
All of this, plus learning how to spell and pronounce words like FrauenfuBballweltmeisterschaften – a 32-letter word—are just examples of things I learned in German class. My decision to double major in German and Intercultural Communication changed my life and helped bring my awareness outside of just myself. Learning these lessons—both academic and personal—culminated for me when I traveled with the German class to Europe in 2007 and 2008.
Dr. Bartels emphasized that good travel is thoughtful travel — being aware of issues facing other cultures reminded me that here in the United States we aren’t immune to a lot of the turmoils other countries are going through. In Berlin I saw the new Reichstag building, the meeting place of the German parliament. For a generation, it was a bombed-out hulk stranded in the no-man’s-land separating east and west Berlin. But today the building is newly restored and crowned by a gleaming glass dome. The dome —which is free and open long hours — has a ramp spiraling to its top. The architecture makes a powerful point: German citizens can now literally look over the shoulders of their legislators at work.
The main point is, wherever our students go after they graduate–moving to a new state with their spouse, going on vacation, or conducting international business–they also serve as ambassadors of Dana College. By supporting Dana College, you reach not only the students on campus who take the classes and use the buildings and facilities, you also affect everyone around the world who is reached by a Dana student or Dana alumnus. And you also can’t forget that when you support Dana by giving donations of money or time, you are not only enriching a student’s experience, like me. You’re also helping the community of Blair, maintaining our cultural value, creating jobs, and providing opportunities for people from other communities to visit.
When I came to Dana College in 2004, my world was small. I was limiting myself and I didn’t even realize it. I never suspected that going to my small local liberal arts college would introduce me so literally to new philosophies, cultures, and uncover things inside of me that I had no idea that I cared about. The tightly-knit environment at Dana was supportive when I needed it in the difficult times I faced, but also empowered me to take roads not traveled, to take ownership of my studies and my life. As a recent college graduate now, I feel like I am standing once again in front of an open door. But instead of falling into a chasm on the other side, I’m looking down an endless path full of choices and opportunities. Which honestly is a little scary too, in a different way.
Thank you all for your support of my alma mater and my community. I’ve heard many people say that if they just touch one life, they feel like they have left a positive mark on the world. I want to tell you that by making a commitment to this college, you have touched thousands.
If you google phrases like “dana college closing” or “dana college higher learning commission” there are several news stories that explain the controversial closing further and give you information about the details. It was an unfair decision with no appeals process and because of it, my alma mater is shuttering just as the sun was starting to rise again over it. Because there are no checks and balances for this organization, our community’s final hope is to pressure the HLC into reconsidering its decision.
If you are moved to do so, I encourage you to contact the Higher Learning Commission and share your support for keeping Dana College open.
xo
meg
Continue Reading
merry father’s day
Posted on 20. Jun, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
Thanks to everyone who replied to or spread the word about my search for a paid assistant. I’m going to wait a few more days to collect applications before I start doing some interviews so feel free to drop me a line if you think you’re the person I’m looking for.
Mr. Lasertron’s first father’s day was really fun and busy. We had our own little celebration on Saturday since we had so many dads in our lives to visit on Sunday. I cooked for him for the second time since we got married two years ago (wife of the year, right?) and he was expecting that.
But I was most excited to surprise him by cleaning and rearranging (and finally unpacking all those boxes from the move last year in) the bedroom. I hung some pictures and art up on the wall, got brand new sheets, and he went to bed early and slept in Sunday. I also surprised him with an appointment to finish his incomplete tattoos.
Our bed is a low platform bed which I love and the paint is Valspar’s Peek-a-Boo Blue. The sheets are all mismatched, from Target. The frames were thrifted and spray-painted and Alice’s little bed is something from Target too. Not much I can do about the grody carpet right now but I’m looking for a better rug to hide it. Loathe carpet.
Here was my inspiration picture for the room–our bedroom/closet is exactly the same layout, except our room is a dormer. What I’ve done so far is no big deal to look at–there’s a lot to add–curtains, lighting, more photos, a better rug, and of course to redo the closet. But I am beyond excited about this start.
Finally, there are still some headbands left in the new Princess Lasertron store (linked in the tab up above!) And if you already placed an order, it’s on its way now.
Continue Reading
the greatest generation
Posted on 10. Jun, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
I’ve been meaning to make this post for several days now but I was waiting to get some more pictures.
My great-great uncle Bill Duane, who is 93 years old, fought in WWII. You would never know it from talking to him–he is so humble and kind and soft-spoken. He will sit silently at dinner listening to conversation and then suddenly and quietly make the most hilarious comment–he is just as sharp as a tack.
Yesterday, he and my family returned from a two-week trip to Europe where he revisited the places where he fought almost 70 years ago. Through his remarkably detailed stories and the pictures my family took, he was able to give us all the smallest glimpse of what fighting in the second war was like. Lying in hedge rows with heavy equipment. Waiting to recapture a bridge, bringing wounded soldiers into medical tents. The honor of bringing freedom and liberation to so many families in France. He landed on Omaha beach. He was standing literally feet away from Eisenhower when his unit was told, “You must take Hill 122 or the invasion will fail and we’ll be pushed back into the sea.” So Bill Duane’s unit took it. It was a bloody and fierce battle but we know the outcome.
Those are all real memories to my great-great uncle, not just chapters in a history book or clips from a documentary.
They all had the most amazing journey around Europe on their trip in the last few weeks–I almost don’t know where to begin and it seems like around every turn was another serendipitous meeting. Bill Duane met with the former Marshall of the Russian Air Force, which is the top position in their Air Force. They also presented him with a medal. Bill Duane’s unit met the Russians at the Elbe River. The Russians were aware of a Russian veteran who remains alive who met the Americans at the Elbe, and he was at the meeting. It was billed as (probably) the last meeting in Moscow of a US & Russian veteran who met at the Elbe and received coverage on the front page of the Moscow Times and several other international publications.
There seemed to be so much more respect for war veterans in Russia and the rest of Europe than we have here. World War II is a BIG deal to Russians. Victory in Europe Day is a National holiday and they venerate their WWII Veterans. Dozens and dozens of people came up to Bill Duane and personally thanked him, or shared stories with him about their own families’ experiences in the war. One person even shared that his brother’s life was saved by Bill Duane’s own division–as a medic, it could have been Bill who saved him! So moving.
On D-Day, on one of the final days of their trip, Bill Duane raised the flag at the American Cemetery in Normandy. 66 years later.
I just wanted to share some of the pictures my dad took on the trip that I found very moving.
1. Bill Duane with a Russian Colonel who also fought on the Elbe and the former Marshall of the Russian Air Force 2. The path into the Kremlin 3. In front of “The Super Tiger,” the only one on display in the world. 4. Outside President Medvedev’s office
5. At the grave of a Nebraskan soldier in American Cemetery on Omaha Beach
6. At Omaha Beach 7. These were French reenactors who were playing the part of US G.I’s. There were TONS of reenactors. These guys specifically thanked Bill Duane for their freedom.
8. Bill Duane received an honor guard from soldiers of the 1st Infantry Division, The Big Red One! At the end of the ceremony they presented Bill Duane with a Division patch and pocket flag that had been carried by one of them in Iraq. 9. He was asked to raise the flag on the anniversary of D-Day in Normandy–this is the woman who supervised the ceremony.
10. Raising the flag at Normandy on D-Day
I teared up writing this post and I wish I had been able to make it on the anniversary of D-Day itself, but the pictures and stories add so much. I know here in America we don’t always think of the hard-won battles of WWII and the quality of life we are able to enjoy today because of the sacrifices of so many people. I know I am guilty of forgetting that.
Although I was home with Alice and not in Moscow or Normandy or St. Lo in the last few weeks, these pictures and the stories they tell make me feel like I was there. I am so proud of my great-great uncle and honored to be part of his family. And I am proud to have that picture of him with Alice. I can’t wait to someday tell her all of his stories.
xo
Continue Reading
anniversary
Posted on 31. May, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
Two years ago today Dave and I made one of our dreams come true.
The first of many.
I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for my amazing life.
Continue Reading
day of fun
Posted on 21. Apr, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
Well I did fewer things today than I planned to.
I woke up late and asked myself what I really wanted to do today. If I could do anything. I decided that I wanted to take a long shower, lay around in my husband’s soft bathrobe, and then get a pedicure later (lavender). After visiting the salon I trolled around a few vintage shops looking for furniture. A little more relaxed than I originally planned!
But here are a few random pictures from my day of fun.
And I worked anyway. (I’m waiting on a shipment of more headbands from the UK…it’s been held up forever because of the volcano and I’m frustrated!)
Continue Reading
Buy a pair of TOMS Shoes embroidered by me to support relief efforts in Haiti
Posted on 21. Feb, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
Several weeks ago I was asked by the Omaha Young Professionals Council to decorate a pair of TOMS Shoes for an auction to raise money for Haiti relief efforts. I was happy to help out and this is what I came up with. I love the little bee.
Continue Reading
chaos, discord, consistency and support: living my best life with bipolar disorder
Posted on 21. Jan, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.
A few months ago I got a question from a reader about living with bipolar disorder:
“You’ve mentioned bipolar disorder. I know you don’t want the blog to be down or sad, but if you were willing I would really like to hear more about how that affects you and how you handle it.”
I saved it for later because it is kind of a heavy topic–not really something for me to answer with just a paragraph. Since that time, I’ve been asked about it on several other occasions by readers (through facebook and formspring). So I have been thinking about my answer and it has been good for me.
Being diagnosed in my teens (about 10 years ago now!) was really a blessing just because it helped answer a lot of questions about why I was struggling so much emotionally. However, in hindsight I also realize how challenging it was being faced in such vulnerable, formative years with a lifetime illness. Being in junior high with bipolar–in the lunch room, in the locker room, sitting behind the cutest boy in school–added so much fogginess, confusion, and frustration to everyday adolescent situations. Sometimes I really don’t know how I came out of it with any semblance of what “normalcy” really is.
I think there is a lot of confusion about the meaning of bipolar disorder, partially because of how we see it represented in popular culture. It is not multiple personality disorder, it is not narcissistic personality disorder, it’s not borderline personality disorder, and it’s not depression. I don’t want to paint with too broad of a brush because there are so many different ways that patients experience the illness. I will point you toward the National Institute of Mental Health for more detailed information.
In any case, the question was “how does bipolar disorder affect you, and how do you handle it?”
I mentioned fogginess, and that is how it is. Thanks to a high degree of stability I have maintained in my environment and “outside” life, it used to be much worse than it is now. There used to often be stretches of days that are to this day totally wiped from my memory. Simple tasks like adding numbers or using the phone had me stumped. I refused to eat. Depression meant suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and I could stay in bed for days. Mania meant wild delusions, hours in the middle of the night spent doing my hair, new packages arriving every day from all the online shopping I did. Now my life is nothing like that.
I have found that the best way for me to overcome my symptoms is to advocate for myself. I couldn’t begin to heal or figure out what worked for me until I stopped denying what was happening to me. I needed to accept that I will always have these problems, and I had to find out what exacerbated them so I could finally help myself. I think that is very key to any possibility of living a normal life with this illness–being willing to rationalize what is “good” behavior, and what actions are bad choices, and having the agency to really work every day to keep your thoughts, your body, your environment, and your behavior totally balanced. To take responsibility.
The absolute reason I am alive today and living as a high-functioning adult with an otherwise normal life is because of my support system. My parents (who advocated for me since I started having trouble in middle school) and my husband (who I met at age 18). Where I am chaotic and distracted, they are predictable and organized. Where I am frustrated and restless, they are calm and rational. Where I represent discord, they represent stability. I am lucky to have them in my life to mitigate drama and show me what normal, happy, rational people are like! I know it can be difficult for them. (BTW, before you ask, that is Fabri-Tac glue that Dave fell asleep playing with.)
I also think that the path I have taken living with bipolar disorder has led me to starting this business. I often say in interviews that I never planned to hold down an 8-5 job, but I never explain that’s because I had so much trouble keeping a “normal” job in the first place. With the instability and unpredictability of my mania and depression, and the horribly numbing effects of medication, it was just impossible to hold down a job. Essentially, my business grew out of the necessity to make a functioning life for myself using skills I knew I had. To make life work for me. I am proud that I thought of a creative solution to that problem, and that I didn’t just become a dependent and give up. I am proud that I am nurturing a career that works within my limitations yet allows me to fully express my talents and strengths.
My life is still chaotic, but now I think it is in a normal way. The hormones I am feeling with this pregnancy have been VERY good–I have been more balanced than ever and I’m mentally aware of that. Sometimes I worry about how giving birth will affect me, whether or not I will have some postpartum struggles as the chemical balance in my brain changes again. That is why I am working so hard now to be able to take time off after she arrives–because deep down, I don’t know what will happen. I can’t imagine a more transforming life change to throw a wrench into my safe, predictable, controlled life.
So that is my long answer. Tomorrow, outfit pictures! The next day, flowers! You still have another day to enter a giveaway for a Valentine’s Day project kit and some fun supplies. And you can still vote for me to win the Shorty Award for design so I can take a fun trip to New York.
Thank you for reading. Although I do most of my work all night in a home studio, or sitting behind a computer, I feel like I have a relationship with you. I think of you as supportive friends. Thank you.
