reality check: feminism in business

Posted on 02. Feb, 2012 by Princess Lasertron.

When I was in junior high, I started subscribing to this feminist catalog. I tried forever to remember the name of it for this post but it’s not coming to me–maybe you know. They primarily sold buttons and t-shirts with slogans, and you could also order grab bags of pins with lots of different sayings on them, for a variety of causes. I was introduced to

AHA. I got it. Northern Sun.

I was introduced to MANY different issues through Northern Sun–Feminism, but many other things too. Vegetarianism. Peace. Spirituality, Native American rights issues, gay and lesbian rights, the idea that evolution was a controversial subject at all. So I had a very activist phase in junior high, not only wearing my buttons proudly but learning to ask questions about how others were treated, how I wanted to experience my life, and what kind of place I thought the world ought to be. That’s why I think “slogan t-shirts” are a great way for kids to introduce themselves to world issues and deeper thought, and come out with a better understanding of their own identities. When I see people my age scoff at teenagers wearing Che Guevara t-shirts from Hot Topic, I think that kind of sucks because whatever channel people can use to access these ideas is fine with me.

Anyway. After a while with the buttons, I cooled it with the sanctimony and learned to respect how others wanted to believe. But as time went on I started keeping my mouth shut in general. This describes the path my position of activism took from that point:

“I started learning about feminism, and it made me realize about how unjust the world really is not only to women, but other traditionally marginalized groups. But the more I spoke up about it, the more I was called a bitch. The more I was encouraged to play along with the game. I didn’t want to get a reputation as disagreeable, annoying, or unpleasant. So then I started to question whether or not I really understood what I was feeling. Maybe it was too complicated to talk about. After all, compared to many other groups and communities, institutionalized stereotyping and discrimination of women isn’t really that bad. I have enough privilege. Blah. Maybe I should drop it.”

That story might actually be a common one for many women. And as I’ve gotten older and had more experiences of discrimination and even outright physical abuse, I realized that I have tended to ignore or excuse this behavior, which only shows others that I accept it. I mean what do you do in those situations? Whether it’s sex or gender-based, race-based, whatever, those ignorant little comments–usually spoken by totally nice, good, well-meaning people of course–just leave me with my jaw dropped. If you correct someone for saying something sexist, you’re a “bitch” and they were “just joking.” If you ask someone to leave an event or party for harassing you, you’re “causing a scene.”

I’ve noticed a weird, marked increase in snide comments about my job, or ignorant questions about how I run two businesses, or assumptions made about my marital status, questions about my husband. Maybe I am suddenly for some reason more aware of it and it was always that way. For example, at a recent local event where I received an award for my business accomplishments, someone came up to my husband and introduced himself, asked him about what he does, and then thumbed at me and said “Dragged the wife along, eh?” Then to me, “These things are so boring.” Yes, these big-boy business things are too boring for poor little wifey. I would have loved to see his face when I went up on stage. What a douche, right?

…I did an interview for a podcast a few weeks ago and the host said, “Bring some of those coochie little things you make.” WTF? That’s nonsense, it’s incredibly stupid and he would never use language like that with a male guest on his business show.
…Tonight at an event for the Omaha Chamber of Commerce at CAMP, I spoke to two people who assumed my male tenant owned the workspace. “It’s cool of him to let you grow your business here.”
…I spoke to someone who assumed that I was able to work “away from the home” because my husband supported my business.
…My assistant’s friend was raped and her attacker was found innocent in court. He used the “she was asking for it because she was drinking” defense.
…At another event recently, some tactless drunk person told me that “a lot of people” felt bad for my husband because I asked him to marry me.

Like, beyond weird. What year is this? Am I 80 years old?

I normally don’t talk about this stuff–like I said–but I posted on Facebook tonight about “becoming super feminist lately” and the commenters encouraged me to post about it after the ensuing discussion. I’ve actually noticed similar sentiments from other women in my network–whether it’s on Facebook, Twitter, or in person, it seems like our collective gender stereotype radars have been on overdrive lately.

Here are some comments from my Facebook post that I really liked:

My experience at H&R Block this evening: “I’m sorry, I’m just so used to the man being the main tax payer.” ★ “Someone told me today that I am “rebellious” for not pursuing marriage and children.” ★ “I don’t know why…I’m noticing things lately. I always figured it was a “ignore it and it doesn’t exist” kind of thing, but I’ve been realizing that that isn’t actually the case. I’m so annoyed that I’m even writing this.” ★ “I have come to the above conclusion lately and realizing a lot of my annoyances were not me just being an “overly insensitive woman” but reacting to real inequalities.” ★ “I have been SO OVER gender stereotypes these past two weeks. Especially the idea that assertive women are bitchy.”

There is certainly something to be said for dreaming big, and that’s something that some women may not “traditionally” do. I know I can speak for myself on that one. My goals for Princess Lasertron are basically fulfilled–I have reached the place I wanted to be five years ago and exceeded my own expectations. But along the way as I’ve gotten more involved in the “entrepreneurship” (meaning tons of tech startups owned by men) community, I’ve learned so much about what it means to swim with the big fish by watching from the sidelines. Speaking at conferences around the country about best practices? Venture capital? Advisory boards? It’s interesting to be considered a formidable player and tastemaker in my industry, and also be aware that my work is primarily “adorable” in the sea of other passionate entrepreneurs in my community. It’s made me question whether I am thinking too small, and start making plans for a higher rate of growth. As I’ve realized this, I’ve found a wonderfully supportive group of advisers and mentors to help me explore these ideas further.

I’m capable of a lot. I love to work hard and my passion is business. Everything I accomplish is a function of my motivation, focus, and decision making. I’ve had to learn like any other entrepreneur. It stings as little bit to know that some people think I’m merely doing “good enough for a girl,” or good enough for now. Feeling criticized makes me ask why people might be thinking that way about me and whether I’m addressing the long-term goals I have set for my career. How can I finish my book and do a speaking tour? How can I create a platform for my favorite tastes and styles to reach my fellow lovers of design, without barriers to engagement? How can I support the work of aspiring designers? How can I move to Berlin for a year with Alice and enroll her in Kindergarten? How can I speak at a major conference about this fabulous marriage of technology and style? And as I make my plans and work with mentors and strategize with my workers, I keep creasing my tissue paper and replying to e-mail and coordinating photoshoots and doing phone interviews and designing tutorials. I keep driving to the office with Alice sleeping in the back seat so I can pick up work to do and get things done in the car. I keep missing dinner with my family and bedtime because I get most of my time to work at night.

All hardworking people make sacrifices–after all, every time you say yes to one thing, you say no to something else. It’s absurd to have to explain that to people who think I am just having fun in a clubhouse downtown playing “office” all day.

xo
meg

Continue Reading

today’s outfit and what I’m working on

Posted on 15. Jan, 2012 by Princess Lasertron.

This time of year is so busy.
I’m working hard right now on January and February bridal orders.
Trying to get new tenants into CAMP every day.
Finding sponsors and vendors for a new Midwest bridal show I’m co-organizing with a few other fantastic women.
Talking to VIP guests for Omaha Fashion Week.
Doing a push for new advertisers on my blog.
Typing the sample chapter for my book proposal.

I’m contemplating not doing a new line this spring. The next one I do will be totally in-house, patterned and sewn by me–a look very different from what we have put out in the past. My plan was to use that collection of samples and then start manufacturing the new line for wholesale using a small, ethically-operated overseas manufacturer. I need more time to refine my strategies for executing this goal, and maybe more time to look for partners or possibly investors. I really hate doing things poorly, so I’d rather put this project on hold than rush the process. If I don’t do a new line, I won’t participate in Omaha Fashion Week as a designer, which would be a disappointment to me. So right now I am just trying to weigh all of my options. I could do a smaller, more experimental line for OFW Spring 2012. I could scrap the whole project and instead focus on fundraising and connecting the organization with other influencers in the fashion industry to help support other local designers. I could do nothing and focus instead on my book, CAMP, and current clients. It is hard when you don’t know what the right answer is.

Shirt: American Apparel
Coat: Lauren Moffat
Skirt: Worthington
Tights: Hue
Shoes: Bobbi Blu
Purse: Miss Albright

xo
meg

Continue Reading

radvent day 4 – caring

Posted on 04. Dec, 2011 by Princess Lasertron.

Go on a caring journey. Walk, drive, take the bus, cruise the mall, stroll down the hall–wherever you are, you can do this.

Notice: How are other people focusing caring energy? Try to notice what others are putting extra care into. The more-beautiful things in peoples lives signify what matters to them and you can learn about someone by just noticing what they take a little extra time and care with.

a pet ♥ a thoughtful outfit ♥ using special paper or a unique pen ♥ fixing something ♥ listening to someone’s problems ♥ taking a restful break ♥ a thriving plant ♥ a carefully curated bookshelf ♥ penning dates into a paper calendar

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Today I walked alllllllll the way around the block with my daughter after Omaha’s first snowfall. She trod hesitantly at first with her new pink boots, not sure about this cold, crunchy stuff she was sinking into with each step. We saw two boys going door-to-door with snow shovels, offering to shovel sidewalks for $5. We saw people walking their sweater-clad dogs, who leapt happily in the snowdrifts flanking the sidewalks. We saw two people using snowblowers and I waited for Alice for a long time while she watched them (Alice loves machines). As we were finally walking back up our steps to our front door, my neighbor started snowblowing our driveway and sidewalk. I am so lucky to live in a community of such caring people.

As I get older, I care more and more about my community. Omaha is an ideal example–in my sphere of experience anyway–of how successful the concept of “getting what you give” can be.  The more active I get in the projects my friends are involved in–Jessica McKay’s Birdhouse HOME exhibit, Shannon and Greg Jaxies’s New Timey Radio Hour podcast, anything going on at the Silicon Prairie News offices, Help Portrait, I could go on and on–the more motivated I feel to work harder to contribute something just as wonderful to this city. I care a lot about Omaha. It is like a fantastic little secret in the middle of the country, and whenever I meet people who are visiting briefly they always remark that they had no idea Omaha was so great. I know, right?! It’s because we all care. It’s because we all work hard here. It’s because we all develop, nourish, and sustain the amazing culture here instead of waiting to be crowned as a “hot destination.” There are weaknesses and ways we can improve here but what I love is that the channels are open for conversation and people are willing to discuss how our community here can be made better.

Surrounding myself with people who care about me, who are doing things that I care about, has brought me so much fulfillment and happiness. This fall I read a post (I wish I remembered where) about simplifying your relationships and it made me realize how much I had been caring about what others thought of me, because I thought that if I was perfect to everyone, it would help me feel happier and more successful. But it’s a lot of work being everything to everyone, and if you aren’t your authentic self, you are cheating others out of really knowing you. After I read that article, I stopped spending time with people that made me feel bad, I stopped investing precious time in projects that I didn’t believe in, and I started valuing my own time to be spent more wisely. On paper, doesn’t this all sound so common sense? So obvious? I agree with a lot of wise things I read, but in practice, moment-by-moment, I sometimes forget them. Remembering the value of my time is my way of caring for myself. I am open and available to more magical experiences, relationships, and adventures by caring about the energy I bring into my life.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Success is doing something you care about.

Set a timer for 30 minutes today for NO multitasking. Focus your care and attention on one task that you need to do. Allow yourself to focus instead of comparing your task to what you’d rather be doing. Hundreds of things are more fun/rewarding/exciting than what you are doing at any given moment, but by caring for the moment, for the present, you nurture it into the best it can be. I am trying to be more mindful about caring for the present. When I forget, the whole day tends to disappear quickly and I am already ahead of myself, worrying about the next day. Then I look back and wonder where the time went. Of course I know the time was always there–I just ignored it by not caring for it!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link–they are awesome sources of inspiration for everyone!

xo
meg

Continue Reading

cyber monday: store re-opens sunday night at 11pm CST

Posted on 26. Nov, 2011 by Princess Lasertron.

I hope you’re all having a great Small Business Saturday!
My shop is still closed as I’m uploading all kinds of new stuff for our Cyber Monday sale on Sunday night at 11pm central time.

Today I got up early to work and went home at lunch to get Alice and the Mister for some lunch.
We went to Blanc Burgers & Bottles in Midtown and it was great.
Alice and I shared grilled cheese, fruit and yogurt, and sweet potato fries.
Alice’s sweater was handmade in…Peru, I think? My grandparents got it there on vacation.
She made funny faces and fed her stuffed animals.

Now I’m back at work editing more photos and making more schtuff.
Leaving soon to go to a surprise birthday party for a friend. He stood on my side at our wedding and we went to college together–same major, all the same classes–and now he’s a comedy writer and performer. Perfect career for him as he cannot spell.

Until tomorrow! Set those watches!

xo

Continue Reading

a letter to my husband: I am grateful for you.

Posted on 24. Nov, 2011 by Princess Lasertron.

Dear David,

I was talking to one of my friends the other night about how hard marriage is. I think my biggest challenge as a married person is balancing the intrinsically possessive nature of marriage with my internal longing for freedom. When you fall in love, you make a choice about the commitment you want to give to that person, and you must ask your partner to choose freely to be possessed. That’s simple. You get married, you become partners forever. When you only have one life, it means a lot to promise to share it with one person forever. Forever means more than we can understand.

And you never know when “The Forever” will begin.

Thanksgiving weekend 2005 was when we first met. I saw you across the room and my jaw dropped. I actually gasped. I remember the exact thought that went through my head: “I would die happy if that guy would ever just be my friend.” Then I had less PG-rated thoughts. I fell in love at first sight and after that night, I never went another day in my life without wishing you would be mine forever.

I don’t understand how I fell in love with you and I don’t understand how I trusted my intuition completely on the night when it really mattered. Six years later, the list of things you have done to help and support me has become immeasurable. But I want to begin one.

• Thank you for supporting my dream. Thank you for telling me that what I want is possible, and thank you for all the sacrifices you have made to see me reach my goals.
• Thank you for washing our sheets.
• Thank you for teaching me about the things you love and being enthusiastic about my interests too.
• Thank you for packing my lunch in a reusable lunchbox.
• Thank you for never pushing me into things I don’t want to do.
• Thank you for all the funny tweets you make.
• Thank you for helping me try new foods.
• Thank you for understanding that not all people have to be the same.
• Thank you for my baby.
• Thank you for making sure I get to sleep in on the weekends. Thank you for understanding how hard I work and for appreciating the value of my work to our family.
• Thank you for coming home from work every time I called you and told you I couldn’t take it anymore.
• Thank you for bringing me flowers stuck in a bottle of water from the grocery store.
• Thank you for setting an example for Alice by pursuing your hobbies with passion.
• Thank you for making Alice’s dinner every day. She will be a better person for having eaten homemade Indian food, dairy-free pancakes, and lentil tempeh every day instead of the cereal and pizza that rounds out the list of stuff I know how to make.
• Thank you for teaching me how to drive your car.
• Thank you for letting me drive your car 50 miles to college every day and biking to work so I could use it.
• Thank you for going to Chicago on the week of your Organic Chemistry final so I could propose marriage to you as I had planned.
• Thank you for being secure enough with yourself to not put people down just for being who they are.
• Thank you for loving me no matter how I look.
• Thank you for reading Alice a bedtime story every day.
• Thank you for all the times you have run out to the car to watch Alice when I drive by your office and stop to use the bathroom because I can’t hold it long enough to make it home.
• Thank you for teaching me about peanut butter chocolate soy ice cream.
• Thank you for not being afraid to tell me “no.”
• Thank you for never telling me “I told you so.”
• Thank you for being my friend.
• Thank you for considering me a worthy companion for your Forever.

At that party, even though we didn’t really speak, I knew a few things about you already. I could see that you liked to dress up. I could tell that you were funny. I could tell that you were confident, holding conversations and laughing with all kinds of people. But most importantly, I could tell that you were kind. I thank you most for your kindness, your compassion, and your patience. You are the only man I could love forever.

There is so little I understand about life and I am not in a hurry to make sense of everything. I have no need to figure it all out. Getting a kiss from you every morning when you wake up is like a silent wink from the universe that I am on the right track. I understand enough.

I am so glad you became my friend.

xo

Continue Reading