Buy a pair of TOMS Shoes embroidered by me to support relief efforts in Haiti

Posted on 21. Feb, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.

Several weeks ago I was asked by the Omaha Young Professionals Council to decorate a pair of TOMS Shoes for an auction to raise money for Haiti relief efforts. I was happy to help out and this is what I came up with. I love the little bee.

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chaos, discord, consistency and support: living my best life with bipolar disorder

Posted on 21. Jan, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.

A few months ago I got a question from a reader about living with bipolar disorder:

“You’ve mentioned bipolar disorder. I know you don’t want the blog to be down or sad, but if you were willing I would really like to hear more about how that affects you and how you handle it.”

I saved it for later because it is kind of a heavy topic–not really something for me to answer with just a paragraph. Since that time, I’ve been asked about it on several other occasions by readers (through facebook and formspring). So I have been thinking about my answer and it has been good for me.

Being diagnosed in my teens (about 10 years ago now!) was really a blessing just because it helped answer a lot of questions about why I was struggling so much emotionally. However, in hindsight I also realize how challenging it was being faced in such vulnerable, formative years with a lifetime illness. Being in junior high with bipolar–in the lunch room, in the locker room, sitting behind the cutest boy in school–added so much fogginess, confusion, and frustration to everyday adolescent situations. Sometimes I really don’t know how I came out of it with any semblance of what “normalcy” really is.

I think there is a lot of confusion about the meaning of bipolar disorder, partially because of how we see it represented in popular culture. It is not multiple personality disorder, it is not narcissistic personality disorder, it’s not borderline personality disorder, and it’s not depression. I don’t want to paint with too broad of a brush because there are so many different ways that patients experience the illness. I will point you toward the National Institute of Mental Health for more detailed information.

In any case, the question was “how does bipolar disorder affect you, and how do you handle it?”

I mentioned fogginess, and that is how it is. Thanks to a high degree of stability I have maintained in my environment and “outside” life, it used to be much worse than it is now. There used to often be stretches of days that are to this day totally wiped from my memory. Simple tasks like adding numbers or using the phone had me stumped. I refused to eat. Depression meant suicidal thoughts, self-harm, and I could stay in bed for days. Mania meant wild delusions, hours in the middle of the night spent doing my hair, new packages arriving every day from all the online shopping I did. Now my life is nothing like that.

I have found that the best way for me to overcome my symptoms is to advocate for myself. I couldn’t begin to heal or figure out what worked for me until I stopped denying what was happening to me. I needed to accept that I will always have these problems, and I had to find out what exacerbated them so I could finally help myself. I think that is very key to any possibility of living a normal life with this illness–being willing to rationalize what is “good” behavior, and what actions are bad choices, and having the agency to really work every day to keep your thoughts, your body, your environment, and your behavior totally balanced. To take responsibility.

The absolute reason I am alive today and living as a high-functioning adult with an otherwise normal life is because of my support system. My parents (who advocated for me since I started having trouble in middle school) and my husband (who I met at age 18). Where I am chaotic and distracted, they are predictable and organized. Where I am frustrated and restless, they are calm and rational. Where I represent discord, they represent stability. I am lucky to have them in my life to mitigate drama and show me what normal, happy, rational people are like! I know it can be difficult for them. (BTW, before you ask, that is Fabri-Tac glue that Dave fell asleep playing with.)

I also think that the path I have taken living with bipolar disorder has led me to starting this business. I often say in interviews that I never planned to hold down an 8-5 job, but I never explain that’s because I had so much trouble keeping a “normal” job in the first place. With the instability and unpredictability of my mania and depression, and the horribly numbing effects of medication, it was just impossible to hold down a job. Essentially, my business grew out of the necessity to make a functioning life for myself using skills I knew I had. To make life work for me. I am proud that I thought of a creative solution to that problem, and that I didn’t just become a dependent and give up. I am proud that I am nurturing a career that works within my limitations yet allows me to fully express my talents and strengths.

My life is still chaotic, but now I think it is in a normal way. The hormones I am feeling with this pregnancy have been VERY good–I have been more balanced than ever and I’m mentally aware of that. Sometimes I worry about how giving birth will affect me, whether or not I will have some postpartum struggles as the chemical balance in my brain changes again. That is why I am working so hard now to be able to take time off after she arrives–because deep down, I don’t know what will happen. I can’t imagine a more transforming life change to throw a wrench into my safe, predictable, controlled life.

So that is my long answer. Tomorrow, outfit pictures! The next day, flowers! You still have another day to enter a giveaway for a Valentine’s Day project kit and some fun supplies. And you can still vote for me to win the Shorty Award for design so I can take a fun trip to New York.

Thank you for reading. Although I do most of my work all night in a home studio, or sitting behind a computer, I feel like I have a relationship with you. I think of you as supportive friends. Thank you.

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my goals for 2010

Posted on 03. Jan, 2010 by Princess Lasertron.

Last year I resolved to look my best every time I left the house, and I did a good job with that one.

Next year I am keeping that resolution and adding three:
1. Stop saying so many negative things
2. Waste less
3. Ask my friends to teach me something they are good at

These other things would be nice to do too. I think this is more like a New Year’s To-Do List than a list of resolutions:
1. Learn how to swing a golf club (can you teach me?)
2. Host a mimosa brunch on my porch
3. Finish my book proposal
4. Leave Alice and Dave at home and go on a long weekend trip
5. Try a new creative technique like bookmaking or letterpress
6. Make ten how-to videos
7. Have a yard sale
8. Host a birthday party
9. Make Dave lots of fun and adventurous lunches for work

photo via mackin ink

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around the house on christmas

Posted on 26. Dec, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

We–and everyone else in the Omaha area–are totally snowed in again tonight! We got another six inches of snow in round two of the blizzard today but we are having a lot of fun. The city isn’t even going to send snowplows through Omaha until Sunday, I heard, so we might be stuck here until then.

The boys went out and played, doing flips into the soft six-foot snow drifts.
My dad and brother drove their truck, shovels and snow blower in tow, to dig my grandma out of her house so she could spend the day with us. It took a few hours but they made it!

Then we had the best brunch of my entire life. My mom made waffles with a really good yeast recipe–they were just crispy enough on the outside, and unbelievably melty and soft on the inside. I should have taken more food pictures!

Then we all opened our gifts–just our family and my grandma. It was perfect, my favorite people.
I received some amazingly thoughtful presents…lots of colorful new felt and buttons, several books about design, a doormat that says “Lasertron” for our house!
The gift I was most excited to give was a box of IdeaPaint, a really cool new whiteboard medium, to my packaging and design-obsessed mom. She loved it and I can’t wait to see what she paints!

Alice made out like a bandit, though. She got the Sleep Sheep from my grandma–I really wanted that for her–an adorable Shinzi Katoh poster (it is huge!), some cute clothes and books and a stuffed kitty. It’s so heartwarming to see how loved she already is by our family and all of our friends who checked in with us today.

At night we made our traditional family christmas dinner of homemade pizzas. Dave does the best job stretching out the dough.

Happy merry.
xo

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best wishes this holiday from us to you!

Posted on 24. Dec, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, readers!
Here’s your present:

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happy anniversary mom and dad!

Posted on 23. Dec, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

Happy anniversary to my parents today!
24 years.

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we’re having a….

Posted on 26. Nov, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

It’s an Alice!
We love her so much already.

We hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend surrounded by people you love doing fun stuff and making new memories! It’s been an unforgettable one for us.

xo

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charity: water – make water the first gift you buy this season

Posted on 13. Nov, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

I don’t normally make posts like this–in fact, I never have–but I wanted to recommend an important cause for your support as we go into this year’s holiday season.

Today, November 13, bloggers everywhere (like Meg, Jody, Melissa, Elisa, and dozens more) are joining in a campaign to provide clean water to impoverished communities in West Africa.

4500 mothers bury their children EVERY DAY due to contaminated water, and we know that it doesn’t have to be that way. The lack of access to clean water is the leading cause of death in underdeveloped nations.

Today, consider donating $10 to provide clean water to these communities. Your donation will give one person in Africa clean water for ten years. It could save someone’s life.

Ten dollars is just two coffees…a CD on iTunes…a few glasses of wine at dinner…less than a trip to the movies! Could you give $10 to save someone’s life?

Visit the secure donation site site of the highly recognized, non-profit Charity: Water. All donations are tax deductible and 100% of the profit goes directly to clean water solutions in West Africa.

xo

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Sneak peek photos of the Lorsung-Tvrdik wedding from Minornite

Posted on 26. Oct, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

Last weekend, two of our oldest friends, Jon and Sarah, got married at the beautiful Western Heritage Museum downtown. After the fantastic job that Minornite did with their engagement photos, I knew that the pro wedding shots would be to die for.

This is one of the first weddings in my real-life “friends group,” so it was really exciting for everybody. It was so great for us all to get together and celebrate our friends who we love so much.

Jon is a designer for a leading digital software creation company and independent filmmaker, and Sarah is a photo stylist.

Here are the boys…either Dave or I has lived with most of them at some point.

Sarah was so beautiful in a couture gown designed by Joi Mahon of Dress Forms Design. (Also peep that ring! It’s the most gorgeous thing ever! They need a better picture of it…)

Here they are with their puppy, Howard, who we all love.

The table settings were so cool, and everyone loved the masks! The wedding party had fancier, gorgeous handmade masquerade masks of their own.

A shot from the ceremony that shows the beautiful old train station that served as a wonderful art deco backdrop for the event.

Little Lux the flower girl, her mother holding her tutu, was a little hesitant to walk down the aisle.

Throwing in one of me and Dave.

I love my friends Jon and Sarah! Their wedding was so beautiful and unforgettable. We danced so late into the night and didn’t make it to the afterparty at the Hilton, but Cloris Leachman was there…so random.

Some cool news for you is that Minornite, the company that did all of this awesome photography, is giving away a wedding package this year. All you have to do is follow them on Twitter! So get on board with that.

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sold!

Posted on 22. Oct, 2009 by Princess Lasertron.

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this is my face: X-(

Posted on 19. Oct, 2009 by admin.

Holy moly!
Soooo much moving/unpacking over the last five days.
We still aren’t done…
…and I caught a cold.

We went to a beautiful wedding that I can’t wait to share pictures of. You will die over the bride’s handmade couture wedding gown and hair flowers. There’s a picture of our table up there…I loved the masks! Everyone in the bridal party had a gorgeous handmade mask with fun details like beading and feathers.

I feel like I had more to say but I forgot it.
But I am here and I am just trying to keep up.

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