Hooray, Radvent day 4! I’m so overwhelmed and happy about the response to this project. I thought of it one night when I was trying to come up with a fun advent project, and the participation has just totally warmed my heart. I feel so “heard” and I have loved reading your entries throughout the day–on my iPod in the car, while feeding Alice, at night before I go to bed.  You’ve all brought me so much happiness. Thank you.

Today’s theme, “forgiveness,” is meant to help you start the holiday season with a clean karmic slate, for lack of a better term.

______________________________________________________________________

It’s hard to come out of a place of resentment, and it takes practice (just like everything). Practice forgiving about small, everyday things. You can always non-forgive later. Who and what are you ready to let go of resentment toward?

______________________________________________________________________

I thought this was an important theme to include in the Radvent project and I admit that I scheduled it early in the month because it’s going to be one of the hardest challenges for me. I am not good at forgiving. I don’t hold grudges or constantly rehash my grievances, but I don’t remember the last time I consciously forgave someone. I’m going to explore this a little bit here. In front of you.

Many inspirational speakers and books preach the gospel of forgiveness–that everyone deserves it, that it is essential to self-actualization, that it is always the right thing to do for your emotional health. I have mindlessly paged through chapters in books about the “gifts of forgiveness” and the lessons learned by letting go of grudges and pain. I told myself, “This doesn’t matter to me, I have no one to forgive,” but that is not the truth. In doing these self-reflection exercises, I need to face that.

People I am ready to forgive, to practice:

* The therapist I visited at rock bottom who made me feel like I was wasting her time * The boyfriend who went to strip clubs * My first grade teacher who never challenged me * The mean girls who passed notes about me in 7th grade * My classmate who said my self-portrait was ugly in 5th grade * My friend who tore my favorite poster because he was wrestling and showing off in my living room * Myself for missing a few people in my Radvent reposts *

People who I am not ready to forgive yet:

* The boy who held me underwater while I was playing in the pool at my dad’s ten-year high school reunion * The family friend who told me I should be on medication * People who rip off my bouquet designs and try to pass them off as their own * The person who abused me *

An episode of What Not to Wear. A glass of water. A beer. Writing a thank-you note. A bowl of cereal. Calling my parents. Now I am coming back to ponder this some more. See how I am avoiding this subject? I am not comfortable sitting with this feeling. Now it’s 3:30am.

I have one experience that I have never spoken about publicly on any blog–and I have been blogging since 1995. I was abused by a past boyfriend. After we broke up, I decided to burn the bridge and since then he has been dead to me. I never saw him again until I briefly ran into him by chance this year, and it affected me very negatively. I had forgotten that pain, but now I think about it often.

I was very happy going about my business without ever thinking about that horrible chapter in my life. What I know now–only now–is that ignoring the memory for almost ten years didn’t solve the problem.

“You must realize that everyone is doing the best they can from their own state of consciousness.” -Deepak Chopra

I’ve learned that the lessons of loss–the “gifts of forgiveness”–don’t always reveal themselves quickly. I am still waiting to understand the positive that can come from my experience with abuse. I am not ready to forgive this person because I am not done letting myself sit with the feelings of anger. This year after our chance meeting was the first time my anger resurfaced, and I found myself facing denial, shame, self-blame, and now I am feeling just anger. I have to sit with and get comfortable with those feelings before leaving them behind. So I am on the path of forgiveness–I have begun the process–but I am not yet there.

______________________________________________________________________

Running in the rain with my old friend at our 5-year high school reunion

______________________________________________________________________

Forgiveness does not mean “waiting to forget.” I tried waiting for ten years of time to take the pain away and it didn’t work. As the feelings of hate and loathing came over me when I recalled my experiences with this person, I never got over it because I never let myself feel the feelings. I buried them instead of freeing them.

I’m on the path. I’m doing the work.

xo
meg

______________________________________________________________________

practice this affirmation:

I forgive myself.
I forgive everyone.
I am totally free.
-SARK

______________________________________________________________________

Click on the thumbnail below to download a printable .pdf of today’s radvent journaling prompt! Or check out the graphic on Flickr.

Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link and I will repost it here!

Click to Comment

my favorite pens from Germany on my desktop

On the third day of Radvent, your true love Princess Lasertron gave to you…writing! Today’s journaling challenge is about giving yourself permission to put any thought into words. Explore your feelings and dreams, record your moods, and embrace your own unique weirdness. Make collages, lists, and inspiration boards with quotes and pictures and drawings. Write about the things you are afraid to say. The things you aren’t supposed to say. It’s all okay and it’s all allowed!

I mainly want to inspire you to elevate the writing you do every day to a level of beauty and real specialness. Enjoy writing in your appointment book by using a nice pen. Keep an envelope of beautiful stamps near your stationery and show gratitude to someone by sending them a letter. Try doing it once…and then write about how it made you feel.

______________________________________________________________________

Write a letter of love to yourself to read in one year.

______________________________________________________________________

Dear, dear, super-ultimate Megan,

I was going to hand-write this in a journal to live on forever and ever and then scan it in for this post, but I just got too tired. I could make up some justification like “this is better because you hardly ever hand-write in a journal,” or “this is more authentic anyway since you have been blogging so long,” but let’s be real. It’s 3am, the baby will wake up if I move, and I am dead tired. So let’s just open up a new window and write in a comfortable, easy way–on the keyboard.

You are always so anxious and exhausted and I think that you should really give yourself a break. You do enough. I know that so much is always going on inside your head–your thoughts are racing, you are trying to juggle the constant barrage of new ideas with the guilt of managing the responsibilities you already have–to your customers, to your family, to your inbox. Whatever. You do enough and you are magnificent. Nobody understands how hard you work and you are a superhero. You deserve to give yourself some credit because you have truly earned it.

Because of status updates, blogs, and texting, many of us actually write more than any generation before. But what we have in quantity sometimes lacks in quality.

Today I was looking at pictures of you as a little girl, and thinking “What an amazing, amazing person. I love her.” Even in times when you didn’t feel worthy, didn’t feel important or loved or appreciated, I was always here welcoming you, inviting you, accepting you. I am always here, and you are surrounded by amazing friends, unimaginable love, and endless encouragement.

You are different. I see you as more than a mom, more than a businesswoman, more than a wife. You are the most interesting person I know, and you have lived such a cool life full of so many different experiences. You are so talented and have shown me over and over again that whatever you commit yourself to achieving, you can go above and beyond, knocking it out of the park.

So, dear sweet jewel, give yourself a break. Give yourself a gift and calm yourself. Relax. Appreciate what you have. Notice the light and magic in the world and become part of it. Contribute to it. Smile at it and hug it and share it with everyone you love.

You are a gift to the world, valuable, cherished, and amazing. You are loving and funny, curious and resourceful. I’m lucky to grow one day older with you as each day passes and to share the present with you, each present, as it approaches, is lived to its greatest potential, and then and drifts behind us. I lay awake at night because I am so excited to celebrate tomorrow with you.

All the love in the universe,
Me

______________________________________________________________________

Search for a special place to keep your writing materials. Have everything you need at the ready for creating your own beautiful magical words to offer the world.

* cards and stationery * a journal * stamps * special colored pens * beautiful paper * stickers * glitter glue * magazine pages for collages * patterned tapes *

______________________________________________________________________

Click on the thumbnail below to download a printable .pdf of today’s radvent journaling prompt! Or check out the graphic on Flickr.

Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link and I will repost it here!

Click to Comment

the datebook I rely on to organize my entire life

Radvent day two!! Today’s theme, “organizing,” is not about making your life perfect or forcing yourself into new habits, because that’s a sure way to feel like a failure (which you are not at all!). The point of organization is to clear out all of the things that make you feel bad, that let crappy feelings bubble up to the surface, and making room for good feelings, for better things, for family, friends, hobbies, health.

I don’t know many people who feel organized, but I know a lot of people who have a beast in their life that they want to tame. Without the burden of the clutter and disorganization, we create openings in our lives. And as you become more organized and are filling your new-found space and new-found time with things that bring you joy, things that are beautiful and useful and matter, some of those old not-so-great habits may no longer seem to have a place in your life. This allows yet more time for creating the life you desire – without trying too hard.

______________________________________________________________________

Focus on one drawer, table, or surface today and spend 15 minutes making it pretty! (And take a pretty picture afterward to motivate yourself!)

______________________________________________________________________

I decided to clean up my bathroom cabinet because it had been bumming me out ever since we moved into our house last year and I shoved all of my jewelry, perfume, makeup, bottles, EVERYTHING inside there. I would shove things in, shut the door, and hope nothing fell in the toilet.

I threw away empty bottles, moved a brooch I’ve always hated to my “giveaway” box, and put all of my pregnancy stuff in the hall closet. I put some nails in the side of the cabinet to hang my favorite necklaces. I decided to organize the shelves by who can reach them–Dave’s on top, my stuff down low–and used pieces from one of my tea sets to store cotton balls and jewelry. We also have blackboards in our bathroom so I arranged a pretty jar of fresh chalk.

It just really makes me happy to see all of my favorite nail polish (it’s matte from Urban Outfitters!), perfume bottles (Flowerbomb, Lolita Lempicka, and Demeter’s Wet Garden), and favorite vintage brooches arranged so everything is in view.

I put my makeup and hair stuff in this vintage box and my watches, rings, and chunky necklaces in the teapot! I put bracelets around the spout.

I actually spent about 25 minutes on this because I got motivated and ended up cleaning the bathroom!

if you don’t know what to do,
do the next thing. water
the plants. cut the crusts of old bread
for the birds and feed the fruit
rinds to the garden. empty
the grounds from this morning’s
coffee and tuck them in
with the hydrangeas, prepare
them for winter. let their black sleep
give way to blooms of springtime blue.
open the windows. unsettle
the dust on the sills and in the corners
so there will be space for new air.
let the rooms have room
to breathe, to be filled again
to the brim. there is much we can do
when we don’t know what to do.
remember there is strength
even in standing still. let the world
do what it will all around you.
let the history of what was –
the old molecules of skin, hair and bone –
fill you up. let them become you.
you will carry them with you,
wherever you go, whenever
you are ready.

-fall cleaning by laura burhenn

______________________________________________________________________

closets * schedules * junk drawers * ideas

“the key to successful organizing is to pay attention to your personality, then come up with a plan that conforms to it, rather than trying to work within someone else’s system.” -melissa picheny, declutter and design

______________________________________________________________________

Click on the thumbnail below to download a printable .pdf of today’s radvent journaling prompt! Or check out the graphic on Flickr.

Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link–they are awesome sources of inspiration for everyone!

1. Wendy Townley – Radvent 2010: Finding Peace in Organization
2. Aimee – Radvent 02
3. Amanda – Radvent Day 2
4. Rachael – Radvent 2010 Organizing
5. Cherith – Radvent 2010 – Day 2
6. Lenore – Radvent Day Two
7. Georgia – Radvent: Dec 2nd – Organising

xo
meg

Click to Comment

the bike I rode to work every day in college–it was a gift from my brother

Today is the first day of Radvent, my advent journaling project. Today’s theme, “remembering,” is all about giving yourself permission to reflect not only on the awesome things that have happened in your life, but to stop blocking the bad memories and accept how you have grown and learned from those experiences. And with that…

______________________________________________________________________

What were you doing five years ago today? As the holiday season began? Where were you? Who were you with? What did you want? What did you have?

______________________________________________________________________

There is a big difference between 19 and 24. Up until this year, 2005 was the biggest milestone year for me. I was a freshman in college, I started my business, I was partying and dating quite a bit, I got my own car. I was driving into Omaha every night for concerts, or to play designated driver for my friends. I was very into barbecues, storm chasing, and I was a huge flirt. Princess Lasertron was more of a hobby, and I was hoping to become an English teacher in Germany after graduating. It’s also the year I met the love of my little life, Mr. David Homan (this is us the day we met!). So that is the frame of mind I was in at the time.

Five years ago during the holiday season, I was just falling head-over-heels in love. I looked back in my journal and all I talked about was Dave. Did he love me? What would my parents say about our age difference? We were so ga-ga for each other. I saved the chat logs from that year and when I am angry at Dave now, I still like to go back and read the words we wrote to each other as we were falling in love. I can’t believe I was only nineteen.

I had a ’01 Chevy Malibu (long gone). I lived in a college dorm. I had long fake nails that were pink and sparkly with gold tips. I desperately wanted my own apartment. I wanted to meet the right person and I daydreamed about moving in together, being married, doing lots of traveling. I was truly enjoying my life, but always thinking about MORE. I had the freedom and whimsy that comes with being a full-time student, with a wide open road in front of me, without a career or a long-term relationship. Of course I didn’t fully appreciate or understand that. It makes me wonder what freedoms I have right now that I might not be taking full advantage of.

The good and the bad–remembering is a gift through which we can re-experience our lives. Give yourself permission to remember everything.

In 2005 my entire family flew to Boca Raton, Florida in my dad’s little Cirrus airplane to spend Christmas with my mom’s family who lives down there. On our way there, we hit a bad storm and the plane shook and rocked so violently that I hit my head on the ceiling. We could see lightning out our windows, and my brother held me and I cried. Flying through the turbulence probably lasted five or ten minutes but I’m sure you can understand that it felt like FOREVER. Thanks to my dad’s quick thinking and amazing focus as a pilot, we are obviously okay. But that was a scary moment that I probably haven’t thought about in years. That year for Christmas I got a pink Kitchenaid stand mixer. Dave gave me a pair of pink velour sweatpants because he remembered me saying once that I wanted to go to the gym. Hilarious in retrospect.

I wonder if I spend more or less time than most people remembering. There are almost entire years with huge chunks that I do not remember at all, from when I was in the darkest places, the void of despair and desperation of depression and bipolar disorder in my teens. I remember hiding in unused classrooms to sleep during the day, and being found by the school counselor who I think often went out of her way to keep an eye on me. I spent some time in a hospital, which I really don’t remember. I was in a very bad abusive relationship in high school. I traveled to Florida twice with marching band and a select youth orchestra to play the drums, and I don’t remember either trip. But I have very vivid memories from my happy childhood that I hope I never forget. Time spent with my parents, at art and music camps, riding my bike to the swimming pool. The taste of a lollipop mixed with chlorine. The smell of the cedar in the hot sauna at my grandma’s house. The sound of my roller skates rhythmically smacking against the pavement. The discomfort of  my tights and leotard going up my butt in ballet class as I grew out of them. My life really has been fantastic and wonderful and lucky. Lucky is the word.

My brother and I at my grandparents’ house in Florida

I’ve found that the more time I spend thinking about how past events have taken place, the more I’m able to re-frame the experiences in the context of my life now. Memories that were mortifying are funny now. The endless days of blithe and carefree play in my childhood are places of mental refuge. And some of the memories that I had always been afraid to revisit and analyze because of the intense pain and hurt are now opportunities to teach my daughter, to have compassion for someone who has been in the same situation, and a reminder that things always turn out okay.

What I’ve learned to do is try to recognize when I am in the midst of making a good memory, especially at the more mundane times throughout the day. When I look back on most of my happy memories, they aren’t the big events like birthdays or Christmas or vacations–they’re normal, typical, everyday moments. Maybe that’s why blogging and journaling is so important to me–it’s a way of honoring the everyday.

xo
meg

______________________________________________________________________

Start a new tradition with your family or friends this season to help you remember the beauty of NOW!

share a blog together * start a cookie swap * host a movie night * meet late for pancakes * invite your siblings to pick out a gift for your parents * get together with friends to make holiday decorations

______________________________________________________________________

Click on the thumbnail below to download a printable .pdf of today’s radvent journaling prompt! Or check out the graphic on Flickr.

Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link and I will repost it here!

1. Jenny Bomb – Radvent. Day 1 – Remembering 12/1/2010

2. Rachael Dickson -Radvent 2010: Remembering the Good and the Bad

3. Shannon -  RADVENT 2010/Day 1/Remembering

4. A Small Bird – Today is the start of radvent

5. Lindsey Kaye – Radvent 12.1 : Remembering

6. Georgia – Radvent

7. Katie Lou-Who – December 1st

8. Sarah – Radvent Day 1 – Remembering

9.Cherith – Radvent 2010 – Day One

10. Kelly – Remembering (Radvent Day #1)

11. Alison – gosh

12. Erin – Radvent – December 1: Remembering

13. Stephanie -  Readvent: Journaling Day 1 – Remembering 12.1.10

14. Liz – Radvent: Day 1

15. Deb – Radvent- 12/1 – Remembering

Click to Comment

This project represents the beginning of a new tradition I am starting for myself and I want to invite all of my readers to come along.

2010 was a changing year for me filled with the most intense periods of growth and emotion I have experienced in my life. I experienced renewed confidence and a feeling of purpose and pride through my business. I created new life and experienced the beautiful rite of passage of birth, bringing little Alice Elfie into the world. And I struggled through some feelings of intense loneliness and self-examination. I feel like I reached milestones, crossed a threshold into adulthood, and started feeling really satisfied with my contributions to the world. It feels so good to maybe be on the right track. To start asking new, harder questions of myself. To feel worthy of new challenges. Each year is like leveling up, and we’re about to hit 2011…but not before reflecting on the awesomeness of 2010!

______________________________________________________________________

Each day this December, to honor and respect the experiences from this year and re-examine my goals and hopes for the coming year, I am keeping a Radvent Journal!

Every day I will post a graphic and .pdf file containing journaling prompts, inspirational quotes, photos, and a special project or two. I’ll also share my own reflections and answers each day.

Won’t you join me?

______________________________________________________________________

The most magical time of year

It all begins tomorrow, December 1st with Remembering. The first day is all about giving yourself permission to reflect not only on the awesome things that have happened in your life, but to stop blocking the bad memories and accept how you have grown and learned from those experiences. It ends with some suggestions for new traditions you can begin with family and friends to create even more happy memories to carry with you for the rest of your life.

Every day will bring a simple thought and a challenge and I would love you to join me on this journey by posting your progress as you work through your own Radvent Journal along with me. You can participate on your own blog, or by posting notes on Facebook, or simply by writing in your own old school pen-and-paper journal! (Perhaps like the one in the picture above?)

Honor yourself. Let this be your gift to yourself–consider your growth and preserve the memories and experiences from these times so you can learn from them, leave them behind, and revisit them any time.

It starts tomorrow!

xo
meg

Click to Comment