Promises kept are one of the truest expressions of love because keeping a promise is a responsibility. It takes unfailing devotion and commitment. “I love you” is a promise. “I won’t give up” is a promise. And anything you say to yourself–”You can finish this,” “You can do better,” “You are enough,” “You are a beautiful, radiant beacon of positivity and magic”–can become a promise, too. Do you believe your promises to yourself? What about the promises you have made to others? What can you do to revisit those promises and reinforce your commitments? Show a friend or a loved one–your lover, your parent, yourself–that you are thinking of them throughout the day. That you remember what you promised.

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Every month, I write a letter to Alice about what she did that month, how she has changed, and the wishes and hopes I have for her as she continues to grow and learn. It’s sort of a promise to her, to document her childhood and my own life as a mother, to honor these memories and try to use my words rather than just photos or video to remember this time. Each post feels like a big deal, and no words ever seem right to tell her how proud I am of her and how much I wish for her and how much beauty and adventure the world has promised to her. But once in a while when I read through my past letters, I feel like I said the right thing, and when I compile them all someday in a book for us to read from the beginning, it will be such a treasure to have these words preserved.

This month, I asked Dave to join me in writing a letter to put into Alice’s book. It’s not only a gift to her, it’s an important way to preserve our thoughts in the present–to remember what we did in 2011, what bothered us, what our relationship was like. Although it can be mentally challenging, journaling and letter-writing is something no one ever lived to regret.

So with a little guidance (“What do you want me to say?” “Anything.”) and prodding, Dave added his own letter to our collection. His comes first, then mine. Happy month nineteen, Alice.

Alice:

Nineteen months ago when you were born I made a promise to your mother. I promised that while you were young I would write you letters so that you would have some record of how our life together was before you could remember. Well here you are at 19 months old and this is one such letter.

Yesterday I tried feeding you something wonderful I made. You were not amused. It seems like nowadays you only like to eat things you can feed yourself, things like fruits or beans or chunks of tofu. This does not include the rice and lentil pilaf that I had made just a few minutes earlier. Try as you did, I am just too mean of a dad to let you dig your hands into the food and haphazardly guide the fistful of pilaf into your mouth. You cried. I cried. We both cried together (I was louder).

After the dust settled I had an idea. I promised you that if you let me fork-feed you my succulent rice dish, then I’d let you stay up a little bit later and hang out. You don’t speak much but I could tell you understood what I was saying as your eyes lit up and you squealed “ooooooh!” which is usually reserved for when you see yourself putting on awesome fashion sunglasses, or when I come home from work and you see me for the first time since the morning. “Oooooooh!” you said and we shook on it and we had a deal.

There you ate all your delicious food. Forkful by forkful you chewed and swallowed, making me a happy dad for cooking a meal that my daughter seemed to love.

An hour or so later your normal bedtime approached. I remembered the promise I had made, but I don’t think you did since you fell straight asleep in my lap in what looked to be the most uncomfortable position imaginable. One arm was under your body, the other was behind your back. Your mouth was agape and drool was flowing steadily out. Your face was mashed against two of the buttons of my shirt, no doubt leaving a buttony imprint on your precious little cheeks.

You didn’t get to stay up late that night. Going to sleep on time was your idea, not mine. That doesn’t mean I won’t remember my promise to you. One day when you least expect it I’m going to hold my end of the bargain. One day when the day is winding down and the sun is setting behind the trees, I’m going to grab you out of bed and we’re going to do father daughter time extra long that night. I promise.

Love
Dad

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Dear Alice:

Today you are nineteen months old, and it’s getting to the point where saying the months isn’t really meaningful in terms of development–you’re one and a half, you’re a toddler, you’re becoming more and more independent and self-sufficient every day. I have a big framed picture of you at about four months old in our living room. Sometimes when I think about the way you look and visualize you in my mind, I picture that tiny baby, with no hair, no teeth, big wide blue eyes, button nose. But you just keep GROWING and you are getting so BIG and you are a TODDLER now. Do I say this every month? How astonished I am by how fast you grow? One day this month, I put your shoes on your feet just like I do every morning and they didn’t fit. You wore your snow boots instead every day for over a week until some new ones from Pediped arrived that Grandma bought you.

Your other cool grandparents who live in Palm Springs are here this week visiting for Christmas. They don’t get to spend a lot of time with you so it’s been a bit of a reintroduction in the last few days. We show you pictures of them and talk about them a lot. I’m excited for you to get to know them better.

My mom, your other grandma, usually takes you all day once a week and this week she is too busy, so it’s just you and me all day. We’ve been actually spending a lot more time alone together this month. One of our babysitters has been unavailable, and grandma has been busier, I’ve accepted that I’m a parent now, and you are super fun and cool to hang out with. Easier to communicate with, calmer, just growing up. I like you a lot right now. You are fun to talk to, just cool to hang out with. I appreciate your company and our time alone.

You’re really great at my office–you’re polite, calm enough, and you know your way around everything. Some of your favorite things to do at work include running in the hall (which is GREAT), playing with pop beads, sweeping with a crumb sweeper, drawing on your easel or on a roll of paper, sitting on my desk typing in notepad, watching shows, and arranging. Arranging soda cans, arranging fabric, arranging pens across the floor in a straight line, arranging your baby zoo animals in rows. I think you have a very orderly mind.

What else is new?

• You get into bed when you want to go to sleep.
• With a little stool you can reach the sink and wash your hands.
• In stores, you love trying things on in the mirror. Sunglasses, hats, necklaces, scarves, shoes, all modeled and scrutinized from every angle. I don’t think you have seen me do that but I’m sure you have.
• You can say “banana,” “mama,” “dad,” and “grandpa.” (naaaa-na, mama, dah, ba-paw.)You can put your coat on.You can fasten the snaps on your coat.
• Turbo, our cat, is becoming more and more fond of you. You love to hug him and he often sleeps on your bed.
• You are great at putting stuff away–your boots by the door, your books on the shelf, your clothes in the correct drawers. We didn’t teach you this stuff, you just learned it though observation.
• Yo Gabba Gabba! is the TV show you are just obsessed with. We watch about an hour a day, usually in the morning while I steal a bit more sleep.
• You wait to hold my hand in the parking lot when we get out of the car.

I’ve also started a time out for you this month. I don’t call it time out. It’s not really a punishment. It’s just that sometimes the world gets overwhelming and life gets frustrating and we have trouble using our words and it’s very important to just take a calming break. It starts with “Alice, look at me.” You meet my eyes. “Let’s sit down and take a break.” At work, you sit in a special seat next to my desk and fold your hands in your lap. At home, you sit in a green plush rocking chair. You are pretty quick to relax. I hope that is a personality trait that you can take with you into your childhood through your whole life, because keeping your wits about you will really serve you well.

Babyhood is so short and so full of magic. Rocking you in my great-grandmother’s chair in front of the Christmas tree at night makes me so delirious with love that I can’t believe this is realy my life. I think I grew up expecting to become a mother, but I feel so lucky, like it was so unlikely that I’d be chosen by a baby with such a sweet, kind soul. So loving and communicative. So generous with affection and funny and happy. I am so proud of you and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow morning, and every morning.

xo
mama

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Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link–they are awesome sources of inspiration for everyone!

xo
meg

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Sometimes the wrapping on a package doesn’t really represent what’s inside of it. A pair of Louboutin shoes can be in a sparkling ribboned box or a stapled-shut grocery bag. I’ve learned that everybody does their best to present their gifts in a beautiful way, to be discovered, appreciated and loved as much as anyone else’s. It’s a mistake to think that your way of wrapping your gifts is the best, whether it’s the shoes she’s always wanted, your love and compassion, or your patience for a child. So don’t throw those crinkled up paper bags out until you check to see if there are any treasures inside first.

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Sometimes we don’t always understand the people we love the most. Re-frame your assumptions about them by looking at things from their perspective.

I’m here at midnight after a long day, starting my timer, sitting down to commit to working on Radvent, and all I can think about is all the gifts I found for my friends and family this year. I can’t wait to get out all of my materials and try some origami techniques and paper sewing stuff, use these beautiful handmade tags I dyed. I’m going to make a big pile of the prettiest presents ever to stick under my tree tonight, so I can just enjoy them wrapped and beautiful for four more days until they all get carted off to their recipients at the various parties and family gatherings we have coming up all weekend.

I have friends–perfectly normal-seeming friends–who were instagramming and posting photos the day after Thanksgiving of their fully trimmed Christmas tree, boxes underneath wrapped in red and green paper, all ready for the festivities to begin. At our house, that’s December 23rd. I mean, what do you do for the rest of the month if everything is done before December even begins? Oh I know–that’s when you spend time with your family, not hurrying. (Right? Is that what they’re doing?)

It’s funny how important it is to me to be able to wrap my gifts with enough time before Christmas. I just want to wake up for a few days in a row and see each perfectly wrapped, creased, decorated box under my tree. I need this–if only for a few days–just so that I can selfishly appreciate the visual beauty of The Traditional Christmas Tree Surrounded by Piles of Gifts. It feels as if each bag and box is looking back at me, answering my excitement and pride with their own anticipation at being delivered. “Yes! Open me! Open me! Open me tomorrow!”

My husband is not anything like me when it comes to this stuff. We have the same sense of humor and we like and dislike all the same things, but he just does not understand the reason that things need to be made pretty. How form and function can coexist and elevate something useful to something beautiful. For him, useful is good enough, and “pretty” is nice, if he can be bothered to think about it. It’s extra, unimportant, and silly.

As time has gone by in my relationship with Dave, I’ve learned that the reason gifts don’t mean a lot to him personally is because he appreciates everyday magic so much more than I do. I make the magic in the wrapping sometimes–in the topstitched brown wrapping paper encasing white glossy boxes. In the perfectly tied silk grosgrain ribbons. Even in the high-maintenance haircut, or carefully selected belts to cinch my waistline under a polka dot wool skirt, or the matching mother-daughter outfits. It’s the pageantry, the “specialness,” the extra beauty that each moment can have with a little extra effort that motivates me and ignites my passion. For Dave, he lives his dream life every day, it includes Alice and me, and for him it is enough.

With his gray hair, college sweatshirt, sloppily wrapped packages and hole-y slip-on shoes, Dave unwittingly presents nothing but his authentic self in everything he does. Sometimes the wrapping is fun for him–he enjoys designer jeans, shopping, and fancy beer–but even that is purely for his own joy. He would be wearing his favorite outfit and just stay home and do laundry. It never has to be a show. Dave just takes things as they are and they are enough for him to love and appreciate. If he does something nice for you, it’s never with a motive or unspoken expectation of something in return. When he is walking up and down the aisle in the grocery store alone with his daughter, leaned over the front of the cart engaged in a private conversation with her about the nutrition value of kale or ingredients in chana masala, he isn’t there doing errands for his wife. When he says “I love you,” he will love you forever and ever and no gesture or favor or wrapped present will ever take the place of those words in his own heart.

Sometimes the wrapping on a package doesn’t really represent what’s inside of it. A pair of Louboutin shoes can be in a sparkling ribboned box or a stapled-shut grocery bag. I’ve learned that everybody does their best to present their gifts in a beautiful way, to be discovered, appreciated and loved as much as anyone else’s. It’s a mistake to think that your way of wrapping your gifts is the best, whether it’s the shoes she’s always wanted, your love and compassion, or your patience for a child. So don’t throw those crinkled up paper bags out until you check to see if there are any treasures inside first.

Knowing Dave has changed me a lot. Since I met him six years ago, I’ve become less dogmatic and more compassionate. I’m more free-thinking. His spirit of scientific inquiry has inspired me to be more curious. He might put a gift in a paper bag and staple it shut, he might not buy a new pair of shoes for years, and he might not feel the burning, contumacious need I have to wrap everything up in a beautiful handcrafted vintage silk bow. But his happiness, satisfaction and the ease with which he lives is more of an inspiration to me than anything I have ever made, or the dream of anything I have ever wanted to do. I hope that my wrapping says a lot about me–I’m creative, I work hard, I am powerful, I am smart. I know what Dave’s wrapping says. “I am happy.”

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Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link–they are awesome sources of inspiration for everyone!

xo
meg

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No matter where you are in your life or career–whether you’re a 17-year-old high school senior trying to decide what comes next, or a 55-year-old executive who feels settled and comfortable in a fulfilling career, finding mentors is a foolproof way to get your mind to work in new, creative ways. Trying to think the way someone else does by putting yourself in their environment for a day exercises your brain and refreshes your perspective.

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Remember when you were in school and you had to take a communications class? Maybe you had to give a persuasive speech, or research a business plan. In my classes, we always had to interview people–from my organizational communication classes where we learned about how to interview and hire people, to my feature writing classes where we learned about interviewing people for news stories. Those were my favorite classes (and hey, I was a communication major, so there you go) because I loved the emphasis on relationships. In journalism, I loved sitting down with regular people and learning about how magical their lives are, as each interesting fact revealed itself through the course of our conversation. Writing about their stories was an honor, putting their wisdom and experiences on paper to share with anyone who would read it.

Put yourself back in school and think of someone you have always wanted as a mentor, someone who you feel you could learn a lot from. Someone who can help you expand your set of skills and experiences, or just inspire you to do more with your talent. Think of fifteen questions to ask that person, and then ask them if they have time in the next few weeks to sit down for coffee with you.

Last week, I job shadowed for a day at Artifact Bag Company, owned by Chris Hughes. When I first met Chris in September, I fell in love with his company. I love how he uses old-school techniques and materials to make bags out of leather and waxed canvas that will absolutely last for generations, and in the business of heirloom-making myself, I wanted to skip down to his studio, bond over our love of making it pretty, and try my hand at a few of his techniques.

Chris’s studio was full of vintage industrial sewing machines that he uses to sew each bag, big work tables sourced from old factories, and rolls upon rolls of beautiful waxed canvas and hides in every shade of sand, coffee, and black. I learned how to use a strap cutter on leather, how he reinforces his stitches, and I cut out hundreds of washers from leather scraps that help strengthen the rivets on each bag. I don’t plan to break into leatherwork or start a line of bags, but watching Chris’s process taught me a lot about how I can improve my work, and spending the day with another handmade artisan was just great for my soul.

No matter where you are in your life or career–whether you’re a 17-year-old high school senior trying to decide what comes next, or a 55-year-old executive who feels settled and comfortable in a fulfilling career, finding mentors is a foolproof way to get your mind to work in new, creative ways. Trying to think the way someone else does by putting yourself in their environment for a day exercises your brain and refreshes your perspective.

Being a mentor is an amazing experience and a really fulfilling challenge too, with an enthusiastic mentee. I have mentored mainly students, as a public speaking coach for a high school speech team and as a mentor through TeamMates, a youth outreach program started by Nebraska Husker coach Tom Osborne. I also speak often at local high schools and colleges about marketing, entrepreneurship, and design. I’m back in school all the time and it really keeps me

Jane Round, an emerging Omaha fashion designer and high school senior reached out to me recently to answer a few questions for her Fashion Merchandising class. I wanted to share some of her questions to me and my responses. Maybe a few of Jane’s questions will be a great way jumping off point for you to open a conversation with a mentor of your own!

J: How did you start your business?

M: I started Princess Lasertron in 2005 when I was 19 and in college. After a few months, I realized that it was worth taking the chance to dive in and really invest time in developing my skills and knowledge to create a viable business. To take the first steps and start everything off the “right” way, I contacted a lawyer who helped me file all the paperwork to start Princess Lasertron as a sole proprietorship and gave me a quick primer on how to file tax documents! The first few quarters of filing withholding, returns, sales tax, quarterly tax estimates…each time I had to mail something to the government it took days of productivity out of my work week and killed so much enthusiasm and morale I had for pursing this business as a passion. After several years of trying to just make myself like it, I met my business advisor who has made a career out of her own passion of helping small businessowners like me pursue their goals. She took the paperwork and stress off of my plate and now I’m better able to focus on strategy, design, and production rather than government compliance. That’s a huge part of business that can’t be underplayed in the decision to take the plunge into entrepreneurship.

J: Why did you start Princess Lasertron?

M: I started a business because I wanted to have more control over my future and take advantage of my potential.

J: What is your most consistent source of inspiration?

M: My inspiration is the thought of becoming the woman I always wanted to be. Every second that I am doing work that satisfies and fulfills me, I am embodying the best version of myself. I’m also deeply inspired by my friends and colleagues here in Omaha who find similar joy and satisfaction in what they do–whether it’s in work or just life in general. I think in the future the line between “work” and “life” will continue to be blurred as people are empowered to pursue work that is more personally satisfying. That is my wish for everyone–that they are able to actualize the best, happiest version of themselves.

J: Where did you work before CAMP?

M: Before I started CAMP, Omaha’s first coworking space (where our studio is also located), I worked out of my basement, out of my home office, out of coffee shops, out of my friends’ living room couches…essentially, I was mobile. With CAMP, of course, I still have the freedom to take my work anywhere for a change of scenery, but I now have a permanent studio space to share with employees and interns, and an office space to share with other students, entrepreneurs, and motivated workers in our community.

J: What Princess Lasertron products sell the best?

M: Our kits and bouquets are our bread and butter.

J: How would you like to continue expanding?

M: I’d like to do more speaking and teaching around the world–right now we have taught sessions at creative conferences and spoken at numerous events about everything from entrepreneurship, coworking, marketing, and design to being a business-owning mom and instilling creativity in my child. I’d like to hire a team of sewers who do more of the handwork involved in our products. I’d like to do more consulting with other small businesses. I’d like to release a mainstream line of fabrics, and design a bag with Artifact Bag Company. I’m writing a book right now. I’d love to do a tv show. I don’t really limit myself as far as these fantasies go!!

J: Where do most of your sales come from?

M: We work with about 300 brides each year and we reach them online through our website, or they find us through some of our media features on blogs or in magazines. Our international customers make up 46% of our sales, so we have quite an international following which I think is only possible by focusing our marketing efforts online. My very first sale in 2005 was to an Italian bride.

J: Who is you target market? Tell me about the Princess Lasertron girl.

M: The Princess Lasertron girl is a confident, happy woman. She has a whimsical signature style and a graceful demeanor. Sophisticated, but not forgetful of the playful girl she was as a child. I draw great inspiration from my own childhood, and great comfort from the fact that I am still that person. She’s still here with me. Our target market is young women aged 18-30 who are just on the precipice of breakthroughs in life. About to graduate. About to get married. About to move into her own apartment. About to go in for that big interview. About to open the first big thick envelope from her first-choice university. My goal with Princess Lasertron is to inspire women to realize they deserve the rewards of these things. They should feel no shame in recognizing these accomplishments–these milestones–and feeling worthy of them. And if they need a great dress–well hey, we have that too.

J: What kinds of promotion do you use?

M: I do all of my marketing online by buying ads on relevant blogs and maintaining a presence on several industry message boards and communities. I use Twitter and Facebook pretty constructively and I also do some freelance writing for other blogs and magazines. I also think it’s just as important to be aware of marketing yourself when you turn off the computer, leave the office, and think you’re “off the clock.” I do this by making my best effort to dress well, speak well, and by making an effort to play a role in the arts in my community and connecting with other people who dream big dreams. I try to be my best every day because if I ever turn a corner on a street and see Andy Cohen staring me in the face, if I ever answer the phone and hear “This is Martha Stewart calling for Princess Lasertron,” I will be ready to react. This is what I meant earlier when I talked about blurring the lines between work and life–never going off the clock. It doesn’t mean you have no life. It means you love your life.

J: How have your promotional techniques evolved since beginning Princess Lasertron?

M: When I began, it actually all started with a well-placed ad on a well-trafficked wedding website. I couldn’t afford it at the time and I was absolutely wringing my hands with anxiety about whether or not I’d have to eat the cost as a huge loss. Within the hour I had gotten enough inquiries via e-mail to justify what I spent, and still today I get contacted by brides who say they first found me through that initial advertisement I bought six years ago. So much of promotion involves intuition and luck.

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Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link–they are awesome sources of inspiration for everyone!

xo
meg

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For this tutorial, I embroidered my mom’s initial on a canvas envelope template (you can see the tutorial for my felt gift envelopes here on Rock N Roll Bride) to fill with some of her favorite goodies and tie on top of a gift. You could embroider an initial on anything–a patch to sew on a bag, a pillowcase, towels, a wine gift bag…it’s a really versatile technique, and once you have a few staple supplies on hand it’s easy to whip one up for any gift throughout the whole year.

With just two different simple stitches, I can finish one of these monograms in about 20 minutes if I focus. It’s just a little bit of time for a nice personalized touch.

Materials needed:

♥ a set of alphabet stamps (or just buy the letter stamp you want individually)
♥ a stamp pad (fabric-safe is better, like Staz-On, but if you don’t have fabric ink you can just be careful and it’ll work fine)
♥ something to embroider (a napkin, a pillowcase, a towel, your underwear, whatever)
♥ embroidery thread
♥ needle
♥ iron-on stabilizer (if the thing you are embroidering is a little bit loosely woven or thin)
♥ embroidery hoop (it’s optional, but it helps)

Step 1: Lightly ink your letter stamp–less is more, here–and press it down firmly onto the surface where you want to embroider your letter. The idea is just to get the outline visible so you can see where to trace the letter with your thread.

Step 2: If your fabric is thinner or with a looser weave and you want to stabilize it for stitching, iron on a little bit of interfacing to the back of your fabric where you will be sewing. This step isn’t necessary if you stitch carefully (or if you’re just impatient), but it can help make the finished product look a bit neater.

Step 3: Put the fabric in an embroidery hoop, if you want. Thread a needle and sew long backstitches around the outline of the letter. If you’ve never done a backstitch before, PurlBee.com has a great little how-to. Once you master this stitch, I’m sure you will use it all the time–it’s great to have in your arsenal of skills!

Step 4: Next, fill in the letter with a satin stitch. The best way to describe a satin stitch is that it’s analogous to scribbling back and forth with a marker, but with thread. You’re creating a solid field of thread by running single long stitches back and forth just outside the letter outline. Bring your needle up through the fabric just outside of an outline stitch and put the needle back down through the fabric across the letter outside the other side of the outline. Make a parallel stitch as close to the first stitch as possible, just going back and forth across the letter until it is all filled in. Depending on the size of the letter, this can take a lot of thread, but luckily it’s quite an easy process once you get the hang of it. Just the same stitch over and over, filling in the letter.

Step 4: Tie a knot in the thread, give it a snip, and you’re done! If you lightly press the thread with an iron, it can help “set” it on the fabric a bit.

Tips and other suggestions:

♥ Fill in your letter with a different stitch–the chain stitch is a great filler stitch, I love filling outlines with french knots, and you can even backstitch the inside of each letter.
♥ Many craft stores have letter stamps and small alphabet stamp packs in the dollar bins, or near the checkout.
♥ Instead of using a stamp, try hand-drawing a block letter to embroider.
♥ Make an embroidered pillow case with the initials of your child to send on sleepovers.
♥ Upload finished pictures of your embroidery projects to Princess Lasertron’s Flickr stream, Make it Pretty!

xo
meg

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“The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being,” as Socrates said in Plato’s Apology.“I would rather die having spoken in my manner, than speak in your manner and live.” This quote, as morbid as it is in word, is one of my favorite excerpts out of everything I’ve read because it inspires the reader to value who they are and live in a way that is consistent with their true identities. Isn’t that an incredibly empowering thought? That it is truly moral to be yourself, and that our pursuit in life is just to figure out what that means to us all as individuals. How we live together, how we communicate and interact, and how there are billions of unique selves–sole identities–in the world.

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“Be yourself…but what if you don’t know who you are?” -SARK

One thing I learned this Summer is that it’s easier to develop your confidence and understand who you really are when you shift your focus from your weaknesses to your strengths. That sounds more simple than it actually is in practice, because in our culture we have a huge emphasis on self-improvement, self-help, and fixing anything that we perceive as “wrong” with ourselves. This year I decided to accept that I have weaknesses, understand what they are, and just move on. That’s right, acknowledge my shortcomings and simply stop trying to fix them. Maybe this sounds a little radical, but it’s not as sociopathic as it sounds!

Five of my greatest strengths are the ability to always look forward at what’s next, the way I see patterns and think strategically, my quickness to action, my high standards and love of making good ideas even better, and being persuasive and managing confrontation. Some of you might recognize them better as strengths from Gallup’s Clifton StrengthsFinder test: Futuristic, Strategic, Maximizer, Activator, and Command. I liked this test, and after I got the results, a lot of my struggles made more sense, and I saw how my favorite projects I’ve ever done were driven entirely by the best aspects of myself.

By shifting my focus to my true strengths, I feel like I’ve experienced way more self-improvement and gratification. I’ve elevated my expertise by cultivating talents that I already have instead of trying to force myself to be the best at EVERYTHING. And because I know what my weaknesses are and don’t obsess about overcoming them, I can just find help from someone more complimentary to my skill set when I am in a situation with some personal limitations.

Another fun thing about this paradigm shift is that focusing on identifying my strengths rather than my weaknesses has cast a positive glow over all of my inner self-talk. It’s so much more fun to think about things I am good at, pursue things I like that will let my skills shine, and smile when I reflect on each day knowing that I was at my best, working in my element. For example, I used to dread social gatherings because I don’t like small talk. I’d rather not talk than talk about things that don’t matter or don’t entertain me, so I try my best. But when I am with someone like my husband Dave or my assistant Shannon, friends who are great at winning people over and conversing, it’s a lot easier. When I’m alone, I see it as a chance to work on my listening skills and look forward to learning more about others. And I try to focus my social time more productively for my happiness, having one-on-one lunches and get-togethers with close friends who I can laugh with.

At work, in professional situations, I often feel disappointed in my impatience and stubbornness. I would feel myself getting hot under the collar and planning an exit strategy when I was in a long meeting, or listening to a bad pitch. But I now see them as aspects of strengths–intense passion for my vision, wanting maximize my use of time, motivation to see results from my work. Understanding my impatience in that context helps me empathize more with the goals of others, and make a reasonable decision about how to react. (Do I bolt, speak up, sit through it?)

I can even look back through my life and see ways that my signature personality traits–impatience, bossiness, passion, loving to joke–have influenced some of my biggest milestones. Talking my senior advisor into letting me create and present my own capstone project. Planning this sweet, personal proposal to my husband and asking him to marry me. Laboring with Alice for 60 hours with a doula in the hospital where I was born 25 years to the day before. All of the ways I perform my identity give me the chance to showcase the best parts of myself, recognize my limitations, and feel more confident and happy about my understanding of myself.

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Are you writing your own radvent responses in your journal or blog? Feel free to share the link–they are awesome sources of inspiration for everyone!

xo
meg

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